


Cavatina

by Mohito



Series: Before and After. [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 16:06:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10994316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mohito/pseuds/Mohito
Summary: I have written this series and didn't even know I would end up here.This is not quite as long as the others and though it does have some funny parts but I do want to warn you, it is darker than the others.  This ties in with After and Fugue and some references will not make sense if you haven't read them.I hope you will read all of this before you make any judgments but if you hate it that's OK too.I have added a comment at the end that explains how I ended up here with this story and hopefully if you have come this far you will understand.Cavatina- a simple song or melody.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have written this series and didn't even know I would end up here. 
> 
> This is not quite as long as the others and though it does have some funny parts but I do want to warn you, it is darker than the others. This ties in with After and Fugue and some references will not make sense if you haven't read them. 
> 
> I hope you will read all of this before you make any judgments but if you hate it that's OK too. 
> 
> I have added a comment at the end that explains how I ended up here with this story and hopefully if you have come this far you will understand. 
> 
> Cavatina- a simple song or melody.

Mickey came awake quickly and felt immediately Ian wasn’t in the bed with him. He let out a long slow breath and it all came back. He turned onto his back bringing an arm out over the sheets next to him and felt the cold sheets under his hand. His heart still pounded in his chest from the dream he had been having, he had been dreaming he was back in prison and Ian was on the other side of the glass but in the dream the glass got darker and darker until he could barely see Ian. He had tried to smash the glass with the phone receiver in his hand and it had smashed into little pieces but the glass didn’t move, he had punched the glass until he felt his knuckles break and the glass had stayed perfectly in place. 

He lifted his hands in the morning light, he expected to see them bloody and broken the dream had been so real and they didn’t have the FUCK U UP tattoos across his fingers, he had seen them in the dream while he had tried to smash the glass. The only tattoo he had now was the dark gray band around his ring finger under his wedding ring. 

He clenched his fists and felt his wedding ring on his finger, his heart settled in his chest. 

“I got these because I wanted you to see them. “Ian had said. 

Mickey did remember as he felt his aching hand wrap around it. He steeled himself against the wave of pain the started in his heart, it was always in him except for the few seconds after he woke up. He took a deep slow breathe and remembered what he had to do today.

He sat up on the edge of the bed and moved his fingers over his bottom eyelids and blinked them rapidly. He reached for the end table and grabbed up his smokes, he lit one quickly and took a quick drag. He had quit two years ago but that hadn’t lasted longer than 6 months. 

He looked over at the clock on his bedside table, 7:45. His gaze landed on the picture of him and Ian, it was a picture of them at their second wedding. Ian’s arm wrapped around his neck, his hand was over Ian’s on his chest and his other arm was wrapped around his waist. They had been laughing when the picture had been taken and they were looking at each other with big bright smiles on their faces. 

The picture beside it was the picture Luke had given him for their first Christmas together, Ian and Mickey sat on the couch with Luke between them. He smiled as he looked at Luke between them, he looked so young in the picture. He was small and Ian and Mickey towered over him as they sat next to him on the couch. 

He stood feeling his aching muscles, he smoked and walked around the bed to the dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and one of Ian’s shirts, he stepped into the sweatpants with the smoke hanging out of his mouth and shrugged the shirt over his head. The wood over the dresser where the mirror should be was covered with pictures he or Ian had tacked onto it. 

He shoved the drawer closed and walked through the open door of their bedroom into the hallway. He turned into the kitchen and the memory came back of them tearing the kitchen walls apart. Ian had been wearing a tank top and a pair of little shorts with a determined look on his face as he had smashed apart the wall and Mickey had had no choice but to jump him right then and there in the torn apart kitchen with dust floating in the air and chunks of drywall everywhere. 

They had taken down the wall of the dining room and opened it up into one large room, there was a large window over the sink and the light streamed in over the tile floor they had put down themselves. He looked through the living toward the door to the office and saw that it was partially closed. He flipped the switch the coffeemaker turning it on and stood by the counter in front of it bracing on one arm. He took a long drag from the smoke and held it in his lungs clearing his mind of the memories of the past and brought himself back to the here and now. 

He let out the smoke with a long breath and smelled the coffee as it brewed, he opened the cabinet over the coffeemaker and brought down three mugs to the granite counter top rubbing at his eyes. He crushed out his half smoked cigarette and poured the coffee into each of the mugs, he slid his sore fingers through the mugs and headed toward the office door. 

He pushed his body against the door to open it, his eyes landed on the bed in the center of the room and he let out a slow breath. He looked to the left and saw Heidi asleep on the futon, she had a hand over her head and her mouth was wide open. He smiled as he looked down at her, she did everything with drama and that included sleep. He carefully moved over to the table and lowered the two cups in one of his hands down to the table next to Heidi. He held his cup and sat on the edge of the futon next to her lowering his arm to her side and watched her sleep. Her dark hair had come over her face and her pretty face was partially covered. She took up a fraction of the futon because she was so tiny, she stood five feet tall and weighed about a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. 

He lifted his coffee to his lips and drank, he was definitely going to need a shit ton of whiskey in his coffee today. 

Heidi didn’t move under his arm, he wasn’t surprised she was passed out this way. She had been here almost every day with them and had bitched at him to get some sleep in his own bed whenever she saw him start to wear around the edges, they had gone through some pretty nasty screaming matches over it. He knew it was because she loved him but it was difficult for him to let go even for a minute. 

He heard Heidi take in a breath and hold it, he smiled and held out his cup. She sniffed like a puppy and he laughed quietly. Her eyes opened slowly and her eyes landed on the cup, he saw her eyes light up and her mouth close into an O shape as she moved her arm under the blankets to reach out for it. He saw her eyebrows come together as her hand closed over the cup, she was trying to figure out how to get it into her body without sitting up and he laughed again. She held it in her hand and stared at the cup her mouth twisting to one side, she made up her mind shifting her upper body up bringing her legs under her. 

Her hair fell out of her face as she sat up and downed the coffee.

“Morning” She said quietly as she brought her mouth away from the cup. He rubbed a hand over her leg as she leaned against the back of the futon. They both looked toward the center of the room and quietly drank coffee. Mickey wrapped his hands around the mug and shifted away from her, he braced his arms on his knees and looked down into his mug. 

“Did you sleep?” She asked.

“Ya.” He said. He wasn’t lying, he had been exhausted and had basically passed out for 5 hours and that was more sleep than had had in months.

“Good.” Heidi said and rubbed his back. “Who’s coming today?” she asked.

“Debbie.” He said immediately.

“I thought she was working today?” She said.

Mickey had lied, Debbie wasn’t coming but he knew if he told her no one was coming she would want to stay. 

“No, she’s coming.” He said and lifted his coffee. He didn’t look back at her to see her face, whether she knew he was lying or not didn’t matter at the moment. He needed to talk to Ian and had made sure they were alone today, he had told the others that someone else other than them was going to be here and the only one left to tell was Heidi. 

“Ok.” She said and he heard in her voice she probably knew something was off but she didn’t push. He lifted a hand over her leg.

“Thanks.” She lifted her hand to his arm and squeezed it

“You, my love are welcome.” She said with a lazy smile. 

Mickey smiled and thought, “What the fuck would I do without her?” 

He didn’t know and was really glad he’d never have to find out. She was their closest friend and she had become family to them when they had been in Iowa in witness protection. She had been the only person they had told and she had come back with them to Chicago when they had come home. 

All of Ian’s family was close but Heidi was his rock, she looked out for him even when he fought her tooth and nail. She would get in his face (well under his face she was pretty short) and glare at him with her blue eyes and bitch at him until he gave in. 

“Luke’s coming home tonight.” He said with a smile. Heidi’s eyes lit up and her whole face spread into a smile. 

“Oh yay! What time?” She asked.

“10:00.” He said. 

“Oh good, I’ll come by in the morning and make breakfast.” She said. 

Mickey nodded and turned away from her taking in a deep breath. He moved his thumb over the mug in his hand, it was white with the words FUCKING COFFEE in black letters around it. It was Ian’s favorite mug, first because it had been a gift from Heidi and second because it held about half the pot. 

“Not too early.” Mickey said. 

“Nah, you two will be up chit chattin’ like girls half the night.” Heidi said. Mickey smiled looking back at her, she had picked up the accent from being here but the attitude didn’t come from living in the South Side, that was all her. 

“Really…like girls?” He said and lifted his eyebrows at her. 

“Yuuup.” She said with a laugh. 

“Hmph.” He grunted and smirked at her but she wasn’t wrong he thought with a tilt of his head.

She smiled and pushed herself around him to stand up, she was wearing light purple pajamas with yellow ducks all over them and Mickey thought she looked about 12. She stretched and bounced further into the room, Mickey looked down at his mug and sat back into the futon. She came back over to the futon and lifted her mug off the table taking a long drink.

“I’m going shopping today and oh I need eggs if Luke’s coming….” Mickey wasn’t really listening to her make her list and plans for the day, he felt his heavy heart and thought about what he had to say to Ian and how he was going to say it. 

Mickey couldn’t even think the words and he was going to have to make himself say them somehow. 

…do we need juice?” Heidi said. Mickey came out of his head long enough to answer her. 

“Ahhh, think so.” He said. He had no idea but even if he was wrong Luke pounded down juice like crazy.

“K, hm.” She said looking at the clock beside the futon. 

“Off I go to shower and greet the day.” She said with a cheesy smile. Mickey smiled for her and she walked to the door, she looked back and blew a kiss from her hand. 

Mickey watched her go and the smile fell from his face, he stared into the coffee mug sitting on the futon in what had been their office. It wasn’t a big room but it had held Ian’s desk and computer and Ian had found cool old leather chairs in a second hand store. It was more Ian’s room than his but when he would come home he would usually find Ian in here at his desk or in his chair by the window. There were two chairs and they sat tilted toward each other with a table between them, they had sat in those chairs and talked watching the world go by and had on more than one occasion ended up panting and gripping the sides or the back of the chairs. 

He bit his lip thinking about one particular night when Ian had grabbed him as he walked through the door. They had ended up against the back of the chair and Ian was holding him up as he brought his head up.

“And how was your day?” He had said. Ian had giggled against him and he had panted trying to catch his breathe. 

His face spread into a huge smile, “Those are some sturdy fucking chairs.” He thought. 

He stood up putting his coffee on the table, he walked to the window and braced his arms around his chair and felt his bones ache but ignored it as he shifted the chair forward one side at a time. He walked back to the table and picked up the mugs and moved over to the chair, he stuffed his whiskey he had stashed in the drawer of the table into the pocket of his sweatpants. He put the mugs on the bedside table and pulled out the whiskey as he sat, he poured the whiskey in his coffee and set it down next to his mug. He drank the coffee and the memories of the room and the chairs floated around in his mind, talking about shit, fighting about shit, Ian laughing, Ian glaring at him. 

“That fuckin’ glare.” He thought as he drank his coffee. Ian had a hell of a temper and he loved seeing him get all hot and angry, he laughed wickedly to himself. He loved to feel the heat rush out of him when he was pissed. 

He took in a breath and drank trying to clear his mind, he couldn’t say no to Ian and he knew it. That was how they ended up getting married in the first place he thought with a smile, Ian had refused to let him go into protection without him and he had caved. Mickey had sworn Ian wouldn’t go, that it was too dangerous but he had seen Ian’s eyes with all the love that was in them and that was it, they got fucking married. 

Not only did they get married, they did it twice. Once wasn’t enough for Ian, oh no he wanted the whole big thing, the food and the alcohol, the people and the party that lasted all day. Ian had wanted it all for him and he had just wanted Ian to be happy. There wasn’t a moment he didn’t remember about that day, everything from waking up and Ian being out picking up their clothes to that night falling asleep with Ian’s arm around his waist. 

He felt his eyes sting and shook his head letting out a short breath, he had to get it together right now. It wasn’t going to do Ian any good if he was sitting here crying like a pussy. He nodded to himself and took a long hit from the coffee mug as he brought his eyes up to Ian’s face. 

“Hey.” He said with a smile. He leaned over and moved Ian’s mug closer to him.

“Gotcha coffee.” He said. “The good stuff too, Heidi’s been shoppin’ again.” He rolled his eyes for Ian. Heidi shopped every couple of days and they had food bursting out of their cabinets and refrigerator. 

“She made me sleep in the bed, she’s fucking mean man.” He said with a scowl. 

“I know she’s like two feet tall but you should have seen her, you would have marched your ass right into the bedroom.” He said with a nod. 

“Luke’s comin’ home.”

“I should have made him stay….” Mickey trailed off and thought about Luke. He called at least twice a day and Mickey knew he wanted to be here. 

“I think he should come home for a while.” Mickey said and held up a hand. “And before you say anything he’s one stubborn kid and trying to keep him at school is a losing battle” 

He kicked his legs out in front of him and crossed his feet, he put his head against the back of the chair reaching out his hand to Ian’s and tightened his fingers around his. He poured more whiskey into his mug and smiled at Ian.

“It’s at least like 8.” Mickey said his tongue came out between his teeth and his eyes sparkled at Ian. 

He splashed whiskey into Ian’s mug. 

“Come on man, it’s like the day we got married. The whiskey in the mug?” He laughed remembering Ian’s face when he had tasted the whiskey instead of coffee. 

“That was fucking funny.” He laughed. “For me anyway.” He said bringing his cup to his lips still smiling. He lowered the cup and circled his hand watching the coffee swirl around. 

“Remember Carl and the lighter fluid? The fucking fireball? Whoosh!” He said with a laugh. 

Heidi had decided for their wedding they should get married in front of a fire. They had let her do her thing and agreed until the other Gallaghers had piled up about 5 feet of wood and Carl had lit it up, it had gone up like tinder and the trees had almost caught fire.

Mickey laughed remembering Ian’s face when his eyes closed and he held his arm up. 

“Is it safe?” Ian had asked and Mickey had turned his face back, he had had to look up to see the top of the flames.

“It was not safe.” Mickey said with a grin. “Fucking Carl?” He asked again as he had been since that day and Ian always laughed when he said it. 

Ian didn’t laugh this time. 

Mickey’s eyes looked over his face, it was the face he had loved for over half of his life, he tightened his fingers around Ian’s and they stayed motionless beneath his. Ian’s eyes were closed like he was sleeping, he was in a bed like he was sleeping and he was in a t-shirt and shorts like he would be if he was sleeping, but he wasn’t asleep. 

Sleeping meant you would wake up and Ian hadn’t been awake for a year and a half.


	2. Chapter 2

Mickey remembered everything about that day, they were going to Lips that night instead of out with the guys from work, he wasn’t thrilled about it but he would go. He and Lip had come to an understanding at their second wedding and had become sorta friends over time since then. They weren’t ever going to be best buddies but they were family and that’s the only thing that mattered. 

That day at work there was a new kid on the crew, the kid was all attitude and even though he appreciated attitude this kid was all mouth and no brains. He had ignored him until they had all stopped for lunch and had stood around outside, it was the first nice day of spring and they took off their hard hats and gloves and tried to find somewhere to sit around the side of the building they were taking down. 

Mickey found a half wall to lean up against, the new kid was talking his face off and Mickey watched him through squinted eyes. 

“Hey” Tommy said as he came up beside him.

“Hey” Mickey said and took the soda Tommy handed him.

“Comin’ out tonight?” Tommy asked.

“Nah man, Ian’s draggin’ me to Lip’s” He said with a shake of his head tipping back the soda. 

Tommy laughed said, “Married to a dude is still married.” 

“Fuck off.” Mickey said with no heat and drank his soda.

The rest of the crew came over to the wall and the kid was watching the people walk by, he called out and whistled to all the women.

“Shit, I’d love to get my hands on that ass.” The kid said and grunted. 

Mickey shook his head slowly and the kid saw him.

“Come on man, look at that ass.” Mickey looked and smirked. 

“Nah man, I’m good.” He said lightly and braced his arms beside him. 

The others didn’t laugh or say anything to the kid and they had a very good reason. They had a running bet going to see how long it took the new guys to figure out that Mickey was gay. After the first few times they had new people and they had figured it out, the guys thought it was fucking hilarious so when a new guy came they all put money aside and waited. 

The kid bit his lower lip and grunted to another woman walking by. 

“You do know that’s not gonna get you fuck all with them.” Mickey said.

“Fuck ya it will.” The kid said.

“Uh huh.” Mickey said. He heard a short burst of a siren, he saw the new kid jump out of his skin and laughed at the scared look on the kid’s face. 

He saw the ambulance pull up and Ian jump out of the passenger side carrying a brown bag. He pushed himself off the wall and walked to him, Ian was smiling at him as he rushed over.

“Hey!” Mickey said.

“Hey, I was on the next block, thought I’d bring you some lunch.” Ian said with sweet smile.

“Ya?” Mickey smiled and took the bag opening it and saw a wrapped sub. 

“Nice.” He said and slid his hand around his waist. “Thanks.” 

Ian took a step toward him and he brought his hand around his shoulder and rubbed the back of his neck. 

The horn of the ambulance beeped behind them, Ian turned around and held up a finger.

“Trainee.” Ian said. “Very eager.” Ian smiled and gave him a quick kiss. He started stepping backwards and pointed at him. 

“Lip’s.” Ian said. 

“Ya.” Mickey said smiling, Ian’s head was tilted to the side and he was giving him his ‘Are you listening to me?’ face.

“Don’t forget.” Ian said still walking backwards. 

Mickey let his head fall to the side and narrowed his eyes as he brought his hands up in the air. 

Ian smiled and turned away toward the ambulance.

“Hey!” Mickey called out. 

Ian turned around still walking.

“I love you.” Mickey called out with a scowl and Ian gave him a big smile walking backwards.

“Ya? That’s good cuz I love you too” Ian said with a tilt of his head and he laughed. Ian had turned back around and jogged the rest of the way back to the ambulance. Mickey laughed watching him jump in. Ian shook his head with a smile to the young kid driving, he held up his hands with a smirk and turned to Mickey rolling his eyes. Mickey bit his lip and watched them drive away, he caught Ian’s eye and winked at him, he saw Ian’s smile and his eyes light up before he lost sight of him as the ambulance went around the corner. 

He turned back to the wall smiling and walked back over to the half wall, he opened the brown paper bag and pulled out the sub. 

“Mm hm.” He murmured unwrapping it. He saw Tommy’s face as he picked up the sub to shove it in his mouth. 

“What?” He said around the first bite of the sub. 

Tommy widened his eyes and waved his arms out to the new kid, he was standing totally still staring at him. Mickey sighed, the cat had ‘come out’ of the bag. He shrugged and waved a hand up as he chewed. 

“Maan, I had 50 bucks on a week.” Tommy said. 

“Hmph” Mickey grunted and picked up his soda, he looked at the new kid. He was still staring at him. 

“Ya gay.” He said with a turn of his head as he lifted his soda. 

“Shit!” He heard. 

“Aw man.” He heard from another.

“That doesn’t count, we put it all back in for the next one right?” One guy said. 

“I had two weeks.” One said in a sad voice. 

“Two weeks man?” Mickey said. “Come on.” 

“Well the kid is kinda stupid, if Ian didn’t kiss you in the middle of the fucking street it coulda been a year.” Tommy said. 

Mickey tilted his head and shrugged, he had a point. 

He looked over at the kid and his arms were crossed over his chest. 

“You got a problem?” Mickey asked casually.

The kid looked around to the others standing around him, they were all looking at him waiting for him to answer. 

The kid looked away and Mickey smiled around the sub as he took a big bite, he loved it when Ian stopped to see him during the day and this time he brought him his favorite sub from their favorite pizza place. 

‘Man am I lucky.’He thought. 

“Who had one day?” Tommy said waving his arms out.

Mickey had laughed, he had listened to them bitch at him eating his lunch with a smile on his face. 

 

Mickey had gone over that day so many times in his mind it was like a loop in his head. Ian had been out the door before he had woken up and he hadn’t seen him the night before, he was at Fiona’s dealing with another Gallagher crisis which were never fucking ending. 

He had felt him come to bed the night before. 

“Hey.” Ian had whispered.

Ian had wrapped his hand around his waist and his hand had closed over his, he had felt Ian kiss his shoulder and squeeze his hand before falling back asleep. 

There were times he thought his memory was fucking with him and that he didn’t actually say ‘I love you’. He felt the panic rise and his heart start to pound in his chest, he closed his and eyes brought back the feeling he had that day, he remembered missing Ian and boom there he was in his uniform smiling and rushing to get back to work. He brought back Ian’s eyes from that day, his eyes lit up when he had said I love you. 

‘I said it.’ Mickey thought. 

He let out the breath he was holding and looked back at Ian. 

They had nurses at first but the idea of someone he didn’t know taking care of Ian drove him fucking insane. All of the Gallaghers had pitched in, Mandy and Heidi were always here and Ian’s EMT and nurse friends had taught them what they needed to know about taking care of Ian at home. All of the stuff they needed was out of sight in the cabinet on the other side of the bed. Around the tables on either side of the bed were Ian’s favorite pictures and gifts people brought when they came to see him, on the wall behind the bed were cards and more pictures taped to the wall.

Ian was still a part of everyone’s everyday life, whatever happened, good or bad they would chatter to Ian while they took care of him or when they came to see him. They took pictures of everything for Ian and taped it to the wall after telling him what they did. The collection had grown over the past year since Ian had been home and Luke and Heidi had carefully reorganized it a few times. 

‘A year and a half.’ Mickey thought. It felt like years since that day, it felt like years since he had seen Ian’s eyes light up, years since he had felt Ian’s hand move in his. 

He leaned over and kissed Ian on his forehead, he straightened and ran his hand over his hair. He walked back out to the kitchen for more coffee and saw his phone on the counter, he picked it up as he walked and saw he had a missed text from Luke. He swiped the phone and opened the messages. 

‘Hey, I found an earlier flight. I’ll be home at 7pm.’ 

‘Alright man, be safe.’ He texted. He put the phone on the counter and turned to the coffee pot. 

“Hey.” He heard and turned around to Heidi coming into the kitchen. 

“Hey.” He said as he poured more coffee. Heidi rummaged through her bag on the table and brought out a sweater and pushed her arms into the sleeves. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked over to him as he turned around. 

Mickey held an arm out and she walked into his chest, he brought his arm around her and rubbed her back. She leaned against him and he lifted his hand to her hair and brought his hand down over her head. 

She stepped back and Mickey smiled down at her, she lifted her face and kissed his cheek. 

“I’ll see you in the morning.” She said. 

“Ya.” He said and squeezed her arm. He leaned against the counter as she walked back through the kitchen lifting her bag off of the table. 

She walked to the door and lifted her coat off of the peg on the wall. She pulled it on and turned to unlock the door, she looked back at him with a smile and Mickey lifted his mug as she closed the door behind her. 

Mickey stood in the silence of the house and every part of him fought going back in the room with Ian. He brought into his mind the only thing that calmed him, Ian’s face. Ian’s face smiling at him, Ian’s eyes narrowing, Ian happy at their wedding, Ian sleeping on the beach in Mexico. He felt the calm settle over him and took a step, he felt the pain start in him and with every step he took toward the door it sharpened like a blade, he steeled himself against it and walked through the door. 

“Hey.” He said and closed the door behind him.

Mickey sat in the leather chair and poured whiskey in his mug, he lifted it and took a long drink. He felt the whiskey move through him and let his head fall back against the back of the chair. He took slow breathes and let his heart ache through his chest. He felt his chest rise and fall heavily as he tried to take in enough air to form words. He brought his hand up and slid it under Ian’s hand, he felt his breathing slow and his eyes sting. 

He stared at their hands and let the words come. 

“We need to talk man” He said. It came out in a whisper and he turned his head and scowled. He squeezed Ian’s hand and took in a sharp breathe giving himself a hard mental shake. He wasn’t going to break, he needed to be as strong as Ian would be right now. 

He looked up Ian’s face and felt his strength, he let it into his heart as he took his next breath. 

“I can feel you here.” Mickey said. 

His eyes moved over Ian’s face. 

“I can feel you but you’re not here.” He said quietly and let out a breath. 

He opened his mouth but the words wouldn’t come, they were stuck in his heart. 

He felt Ian’s love come over him and closed his eyes, he felt his heart melt as he felt Ian’s hand move in his. He knew his hand wasn’t moving but he felt it in his heart. 

He opened his eyes and moved his thumb over Ian’s skin. 

“I love you too.” He said. He looked down at Ian’s hand and moved his thumb to his wedding ring. He moved his thumb over it and felt his own ring on his finger. 

The rings were a promise and he was going to keep the promise he had made. 

“You can’t do this anymore.” He said and looked up at his face. 

He felt his heart break as he felt Ian’s heart ache.

“Ian.” He said quietly and held his hand tighter. 

He felt his eyes fill with tears as he felt Ian’s heart. He shifted forward and stood up, he lifted Ian’s hand and lowered himself onto the bed next to him. He felt his heart ease, he lifted his hand to his face and nudged his chin to turn his face toward him. Mickey smiled and looked over Ian’s sweet face. 

He took Ian’s hand and threaded his fingers through his. He felt Ian next to him and his soul relaxed, his heartbeat slowed and his mind drifted away.


	3. Chapter 3

Mickey was walking down a dark street and there were dark shadows all around him, his heart beat faster and he tried to see all of them as he stepped up. They came at him from all directions and he saw Ian walking away from him. 

“Ian.” He called out. He watched Ian walk away and tried to follow him but the shadows came and he couldn’t see him. 

“IAN.” He said but he couldn’t hear his own voice and he pushed at the shadows. 

The shadows covered him and he pushed his way through, they whipped around him like wings, his skin seared with pain when the touched his skin. He ignored the pain and kept his eyes on Ian. 

“Ian STOP.” He called out. It came out in a raging voice. 

Ian stopped walking.

“Fuck.” He said as he pushed and punched through the shadows. He couldn’t move through them and he saw Ian turn around. Mickey saw Ian’s face, he looked confused as he looked back at him. Mickey’s heart ached at the sad, lost look on his face. 

“Mick?” Ian said and looked around, Ian looked right past him and around the street. 

“Ian.” He said quietly. 

“Where are you?” Ian said. Mickey felt his heart break in his chest, he watched Ian and let his arms fall. He didn’t push at the shadows, he didn’t fight them, he let them push over him and he kept his eyes on Ian. The shadows turned gray and swirled around him, they settled around him and lowered to his feet and he felt them whisper away. 

“I’m right here.” He said. Ian’s face turned toward his and his eyes lit up when his eyes locked on his. 

“Hey!” Ian said with a smile. Mickey smiled back at him and walked down the dark street toward him. The darkness lit up around him as he started running. Ian crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at him. 

“Where have you been?” Ian asked as he tilted his head at him. Mickey whole heart lit up and he felt a huge smile on his face. The sun came out and Ian’s hair glinted with sunlight, Ian squinted his eyes in the light. 

“Where the fuck you been huh?” He asked with a laugh.

He took the last two steps and his arms went around Ian. He felt Ian’s arms come around him and his heart pounded in his chest. He took in a deep breath and his heart raged with love. He pulled him in tighter and brought his hand up to the back of his neck. Ian’s chest rose up and down with his and he felt Ian’s happiness roll through him. 

Mickey moved his hands over him and his eyes filled, his shaking hands moved over Ian’s back as he breathed him in. 

Ian pulled his head back and smiled at him, Mickey watched Ian’s eyes change as he looked over his face and felt Ian’s hand on his face. 

Mickey turned his head into Ian’s hand on his face and brought his hand up to cover his. 

“Are you OK?” Ian asked quietly. Mickey nodded and looked into Ian’s eyes and saw all the love in his heart. 

Ian held his face and his eyebrows came together.

“Did you say we needed to talk?” Ian said. 

Mickey took a breath. “Ya.” He said. 

Ian’s head went back and his hand fell from his face. 

“When did you say that?” Ian said quietly and looked away, his eyes focused around him. Mickey saw Ian’s eyes shift and start to focus on the street, he saw him start to understand what was happening. The street was the road that led to Mexico, it was the border crossing. They stood together with nothing around them but the gate. 

He looked at him and Mickey saw the steel look in his eyes. 

“No.” Ian said and stepped back. Mickey bit his lip and looked over at the gate, it tore at his heart to see it. Ian had stayed here while he had gone without him to Mexico, Ian had stayed for him. 

“Ian.” Mickey said and closed his eyes. 

 

Mickey opened his eyes and looked up at Ian, he was leaning against the side of the dugout. He looked across the baseball field and crossed his arms over his chest. Ian shoved his hands in his coat pockets and straightened up from the half wall. 

“Remember when we were kids here?” Ian said. “HA!” Ian laughed and turned around looking out over the baseball field. 

Mickey worked his jaw out and looked away nodding. 

“Ya it was like a year before we banged in a bed.” He said. 

“Mm hmm.” Ian murmured and came over to the bench and sat down next to him. He still had his hands stuffed in his pockets and he slouched down against the wall. 

Mickey glanced over at him, his eyes were bright and he was smiling at over the baseball field remembering them here. 

Mickey reached in his pocket and took out a pack of smokes and a lighter. He lit one and shoved the lighter and pack back into his pocket as he held the smoke in his lips. 

“I thought you quit?” Ian said as his head rolled against the wall to him.

“Mm.” Mickey murmured and took the smoke between his fingers. He raised his eyebrows and let out the smoke. 

“That was before.” He said.

“Hm?” Ian said and held out his hand. “Before what?” He asked. 

Mickey saw his eyes come to his and he held out the smoke to him, Ian took it and turned away from him. Ian took a long drag and Mickey sat back against the wall, he rubbed his hand over his mouth hard and looked over the field. 

“Before last year.” He said quietly. 

Ian took a drag of the cigarette and lifted his face up to let out the smoke. 

“Last year?” Ian said. Ian bit his lip and tilted his head turning to him. 

“Last year Luke went to college.” Ian said. “Remember the day he left, he was all freaked.” Ian laughed, he looked out over the baseball field smiling. 

“Ya, I remember.” Mickey said. “But that wasn’t last year.” 

Ian lifted his head and his eyes went up, Mickey watched his eyes as he thought back. 

“Ya it was.” Ian said as his eyes came back to his. 

“No, it wasn’t.” He said quietly. 

Ian’s eyebrows came together and he looked at him hard. 

“Ian.” He said softly. 

Ian closed his eyes and lowered his head.

“Listen to me…” Mickey said and Ian started shaking his head, he sucked his bottom lip into his teeth and closed his eyes. 

“No.” Ian said and lifted his head, he looked out over the field with a hard look and shoved himself up. 

“There’s nothing to fucking talk about.” Ian said. 

“Stop.” He said and held up a hand. Ian pushed his hands in his pockets and shook his head swinging around. 

Ian turned around and lifted his hand and hit the fence, it rattled and Ian caught it and pushed his fingers through the holes. Mickey watched Ian’s hands tighten through the links and waited. 

Ian’s hand relaxed on the fence. 

“You know why we’re here.” He said. 

Ian shook his head and pushed on the fence. 

“Come on man listen..” He said. 

“NO.” Ian said shaking his head and crossing his arms. 

Mickey turned his head and scowled bringing a hand up as he felt the anger tear through him. He stood up fast and grabbed Ian by the arm, he pulled his arm away and glared at him. 

“Fuck off.” Ian said quietly turning back to the field. 

Mickey nodded and smirked. 

“Ya? OK you fuckin’ prick.” Mickey said sputtering and turned away, he walked through the dugout and felt the cold bite through him as he walked up the steps. He clenched his fists and walked quickly across the baseball field. 

“Fuckin’ pussy.” Mickey said as he walked. 

“HEY.” He heard from behind him. 

Mickey lifted a hand and flipped him off. 

He felt Ian shove him from behind and the whipped his arm around and held his arm. 

“I’m not fucking doin’ this.” He said and pushed Ian’s arm. He walked backwards and held his arms out by his sides. 

Ian came at him and he stepped back, Ian growled and swung at him, he pushed his arm as he sidestepped. Ian stumbled and stood up clenching his fists with a snarl. 

“Go ahead, beat the shit outta me.” He said. “I don’t fucking care.” He said with a cold smile. 

“You think that would hurt after the past year and a half Ian?” He said turning his head. Ian’s eyes stared into his. 

“Fuck you.” He hissed out shoving his arm away and watched Ian’s eyes narrow. 

“You want to pussy out and fucking pretend? Fine.” He said and waved a hand across his chest. He stepped up to Ian and stared right in his eyes. 

“But I won’t.” He said glaring at Ian. “I can’t.” He hissed. He felt the raging pain in him and panted out his breath as Ian’s eyes broke, he took a step back with his eyes on Ian’s.

“So stay here in your little fucking fantasy world.” He said as he stepped back. “And leave me the fuck alone.” He heard his voice break and took in a sharp breath. 

“Mick.” Ian said taking a step, Ian’s hand came up and reached out to him. 

Mickey’s heart cracked in his chest, Ian blurred as his eyes filled with tears. He felt Ian’s arms come around him and felt his hand on his head. 

Mickey arms went around him and held onto his coat, he felt Ian kiss the side of his head and lifted his face up. 

Mickey couldn’t look in his eyes, his heart was shattered and he didn’t want Ian to feel his pain. 

“Hey.” Ian said as he moved his hand over his head. Mickey looked away and Ian brought his other hand to his face. 

“I’m sorry.” Ian said as he turned his head. Mickey looked up into his eyes and saw Ian was with him, he saw he understood where they were and why they were here. 

“I’m sorry.” Ian said again. Mickey brought his hand up as Ian lowered his, their hands came together as he let out a long breath closing his eyes. 

 

Mickey heard the music and his eyes rolled open. 

‘Really?’ He thought as he saw Kev shoving food on his plate. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He said. He had lived through this once and he really did not want to go through it again. 

“Ya ok.” He said. “Great.” He said to Kev. He heard himself and waved a hand up scowling, he didn’t even remember why he said it the first time. He looked over at the bar and Ian was crunching peanuts sitting at the same seat he did the first time. 

“Uh huh.” He said to himself. 

“What the fucking fuck?” he said as he started across the bar. 

Svetlana came up in front of him. 

“Thheee fuccck.” He said rolling his eyes. “Ya he’s my boyfriend, we banged last night and we’re gonna keep right on fuckin’ OK? We good?” He said with a smile. “Good.” He said and walked around her. 

He threw the plate on the bar and walked up to Ian. 

Ian looked up at him and he waved a hand out. 

“Here?” he shot out. “Really?” He waved both his hands up and glared down at Ian. 

Ian nodded and looked down at the bar. Mickey twisted up his face and looked around, it looked the same as it did and defiantly smelled the same as it did. He pushed a hand over his face and took a deep breath, they were here and Ian must have a reason for it to be here on this day. Mickey didn’t know what the fuck it was but it could be any fucking thing Ian picked out, he knew his obsessive brain and loved it but man this was weird. 

He turned his head around and looked toward the door. 

‘Hm, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to kick the shit out of his old man again.’ He thought and tilted his head thinking back to smashing a beer bottle over the old man’s head. 

He looked back at Ian and he was peeling peanuts and watching them crumble. 

Mickey waited. 

“Do you want me to go?” Ian asked looking up at him. 

Mickey felt the air push out of his lungs and knew this was why they were here. Ian’s eyes were on his and he saw the hurt in them. 

Mickey lifted his hand to his face and moved his thumb over his jaw. 

“No I don’t want you to go.” He said stepping closer and brought Ian’s face up. He kept his eyes on Ian’s as he lowered his lips and felt Ian’s lips open for him, he felt nothing but Ian and his breathe move through him. Ian’s eyes cleared and he felt Ian’s hand on the back of his neck. 

Mickey heard the door open and felt Ian smile against his lips. 

“Something something something faggot convention.” He heard and laughed, Ian laughed and tilted his head narrowing his eyes. 

“Man I love you.” He said. 

“I know.” Ian said as he stood up. They turned to Terry and Mickey crossed his arms over his chest. Ian stood beside him with a bright smile on his face. 

“Yo!” He said smiling. Terry turned to him. 

“How ya doin Pop?" He said with a wicked smile. “Just so you know me and Ian? We’re all gay and married and shit.” 

He heard Ian sputter out a laugh. 

“Ya so he’s..” Mickey said and held his arm up smiling. “Your son in law.” 

“HA!” Ian said and smacked his arm. 

“Good right?” He said and Ian laughed nodding his head. 

Terry’s face twisted. 

“Oh ya!” Mickey said. “Goin’ on what 10 years now?” 

“Eleven.” Ian said. 

“Eleven?” Mickey said and saw Terry start toward him. 

“Ya.” Ian said. “You should remember that.” Ian gave him a long dirty look and he felt wave of heat rise up in him. 

Mickey braced on his legs and waved his hands up smiling at Ian.

“I should huh?” He said and bit his lip. 

Ian’s eyes narrowed. 

He swung his arm back as Terry stepped up to him. 

“Hold that thought.” He said to Ian with a wicked smile. 

Mickey hit his father with all the rage he felt that day and all the rage since and Terry’s head snapped back. Terry swung and hit him, he felt his nose break and his eyes tear up, he hissed out a breath and growled. 

“Fuck Ian.” He said and hit Terry again. 

He heard Ian’s wicked laugh behind him. 

Ian grabbed Terry by the shirt and hit him, Mickey brought his hands up to his throbbing nose and shook his head to clear it. 

“Bitch.” He hissed. 

Ian laughed wildly beating on Terry as he closed his eyes. 

 

Mickey didn’t hear anything before he opened his eyes.

‘That’s a good sign.’ He thought. 

He opened one eye and saw Ian, he opened the other eye and smiled up at him. 

“Hi.” He said. Ian was standing beside the bed naked with his arms crossed. 

Ian sputtered and rolled his eyes. “Hi.” He said as he leaned over and crawled onto the bed next to him. 

Mickey turned into him and bit his lip, he lifted his hand to Ian’s side and moved his hand over his skin. He took in a deep breath with the need that filled him, he hissed and pulled him in. Ian’s mouth came to his and he hissed out a breath as his tongue teased his, his vision blurred and he felt Ian’s hand move over him hard and fast as he rolled over him, he felt Ian under him and he panted as his heart pounded in his chest. Ian’s fingertips dug into his back pulling at him. 

Ian gripped the back of his neck and pushed his mouth down into his. He pushed his hands into the bed and lifted his upper body growling as he shifted his mouth down to Ian’s neck, Ian grunted and he tasted Ian’s skin and his eyes rolled in his head as his breath came faster. Mickey bit over his chest as Ian arched into him with his hand gripped tightly on his neck, he moved his hand over Ian’s skin and held his side as he lowered to Ian’s cock and took it in with a moan. 

Ian bared his teeth and hissed punching the bed as he sucked him hard. His hand moved over Ian’s waist and up to his chest, he felt the hot blades of desperate hunger break over him feeling Ian’s skin and tasting his cock. Ian’s hand pulled at him, he held his arm and pulled it down to the bed. 

Ian’s cock quivered in his mouth and he licked the head as he pulled his mouth away. Ian sat up in a flash and his hot hard hands were pushing him. He smiled and pulled at him, Ian’s eyes flashed as his mouth crashed down to his. Ian whipped him around and he bounced on the bed, Ian’s mouth came down hard on his as he shoved his arms over his head, he bit his lip watching Ian’s face as he bared his teeth hissing. Mickey pulled one hand out from under Ian’s and held his waist pulling at him. 

Ian thrust into him with a low growl, he arched and his eyes blurred with the pleasure that rushed through him. Ian’s hand tightened in his as they started to move together, he watched Ian eyes that were locked on his and felt the heat rise in him. Ian’s eyes flashed with heat and love as they moved. Mickey moved his hand over his skin, memorizing every touch into his mind and every move Ian made. 

Ian slowed and lowered his head down, Mickey lifted his head and brought his hand up to his jaw. Ian’s lips covered his and Ian’s heart and soul was in his eyes. 

They kissed slow and deep and Mickey felt tears sting at his eyes. Ian pulled his mouth away gently and moved his hand moved over his face. 

Ian’s eyes stayed on his as he arched into him, he felt the flash of pleasure shoot through him, he hissed out a breath and watched Ian’s eyes blur and felt the crashing of his heart. Mickey felt the pleasure rock through Ian as he gripped his hand in his. Ian’s body shook as he came down over him. 

Mickey panted and moved his mouth over Ian’s hot skin, he felt Ian’s heart pounding against his and his breath on his shoulder. He turned his lips into Ian’s neck and his hand moved over him, over his shoulder and back, over his neck and into is hair. Ian lifted his head and brought his lips over his, Ian’s eyes were on his as he lifted his head and moved his hand over his face. Mickey smiled and Ian’s eyes lit up and narrowed. 

“Eleven years.” Ian said.

“Mm.” Mickey murmured and lifted his lips to Ian’s. 

“It’s ELEVEN.” Ian said against his lips. 

Mickey snorted out a laugh. “I know man.” He said. Ian rolled his eyes up and shifted over to his side with his hand in his, Mickey laughed as he rolled over with him. 

Mickey shrugged. “You’re all hot and…hot when you’re pissed.” He said. 

Ian sputtered and smiled. Mickey smiled watching him, Ian turned his head into the pillow and smiled back at him. 

“Texas huh?” He said. 

Ian smiled and shrugged a shoulder. 

“Ya.” He said. “You like that Motel fuckin’, it’s not like we own a house or anything.” He said with a smirk. 

Ian laughed and he turned to his back, he reached out and took the smokes and ashtray off of the table with one hand and brought them to his side. He lifted the smokes and took one out. Ian reached over him and picked up the lighter, he held the smoke in his lips and Ian held the lighter to the end of the smoke. 

He took a drag and pulled it out of his lips looking up at the Motel room ceiling. They had come back to this one room, in this hick town in the middle of nowhere a lot over the years. They always had a blast, they’d chill and do nothing but eat sleep and fuck for days.

Mickey sighed and held out the smoke to Ian, he took it and Mickey turned to him.

“What is it about this place?” he asked looking around the room. 

Ian looked down at the smoke and turned his head.

“That day, when we were here on the way to Mexico? It was just us ya know.” Ian said. 

Mickey nodded and saw Ian hold his hand out, he slid his fingers over his and took the smoke. 

“It was fucked up though.” He said. 

“Hm?” Ian said. 

“Thinkin’ about it now, how we ended up here from there.” He said and shook his head taking in a drag of smoke. 

Mickey rested his hand on his chest and felt Ian looking at him, he turned his head and Ian’s eyes were steady on his. 

“We were always going to end up here.” Ian said. 

Mickey felt love slide through him and smiled squeezing Ian’s hand. He felt Ian tighten his fingers on his, he held out the smoke smiling and Ian took it as he sat up. Mickey put his arm behind his head and looked up at him, Ian reached over him and picked up the ashtray from the side table. 

Ian brought the ashtray over and put it on the bed, he rolled the smoke over the ashtray looking down at it. Mickey reached his hand out to his leg and moved his hand over his skin as he watched Ian think. 

“I can hear you sometimes.” Ian said softly. He watched the emotions roll over Ian’s face. 

“I don’t remember.” Ian said and his eyes came to his. Mickey took a breath and held his gaze. 

“I know.” He said quietly as he stroked his thumb over Ian’s leg. He knew he was confused and sad when he had first seen him at the border crossing and he knew why. 

“I feel like I’m there sometimes and here sometimes.” Ian said and turned his head trying to find the right word. 

“Disconnected.” Ian took a drag from the smoke and crushed it out watching his hand. 

“I can feel you though.” Ian said and brought his eyes to his. Mickey felt his heart fill. 

Ian smiled a little and brought his hand over his chest as he lowered his body down next to his. Mickey turned his head and Ian moved his hand over his chest. 

“When we were here the first time, I wanted to stay here and never leave.” Ian said. 

Mickey brought his hand up to his on his chest, Ian’s looked down at his hand as he turned it in his, he felt Ian’s fingers trace over his wedding ring as he watched his face. 

“We can stay here now and never leave.” He said. Ian’s eyes came up to his, he watched his eyes change as he understood what he was saying. 

“No.” Ian said. 

Mickey tightened his fingers on his, Ian shot up and stood up beside the bed. 

“NO fucking way.” Ian said and waved his arms across his chest, he turned away and pushed his hands through his hair. Mickey sat up and pushed to the end of the bed and stood up behind him. 

“Hey.” He said and reached out for Ian’s arm. Ian turned to him with shock and sadness in his eyes. 

“You can’t.” Ian said. 

“The fuck I can’t” He said and grabbed Ian by the arms. “You think I can breathe without you?” 

Ian’s eyes broke as he said the words, his heart ached as Ian’s eyes filled with tears. 

“I can’t.” He said in a shaky voice. 

Ian stepped into him and brought his arms up under his. 

“Luke.” Ian said.

“Ian…” He started. 

Ian lifted his hand and he felt his eyes close. 

 

He heard Luke’s violin and opened his eyes, he saw Luke in the center of the stage and heard the Metallica song. They were at the Christmas concert. 

Mickey smiled seeing him so small, he had grown a foot since then. 

Mickey listened to the song Luke played for him and his heart ached. Luke was his son, his and Ian’s. They had taken him in and he had become a part of them. He saw Luke’s eyes look out over the crowd toward him and his heart tore in two. 

He felt Ian’s hand in his, he took a breath and looked over at Ian. Ian was looking toward the stage with tears in his eyes, he tightened his fingers over Ian’s and closed his eyes. 

 

Mickey opened his eyes and he was sitting at the kitchen table, Ian was sitting in his seat and Luke was in his seat. 

“So.” Ian said looking at him but talking to Luke. “We were thinking since you’ve been here for so long, why not make it official. “ 

“Hm?” Luke had said as he shoved beef stew in his mouth.

Ian’s eyes were on his, he remembered what he had said the first time. 

“Adoption.” He said. He had said it the first time and Luke had just blinked at him, he remembered Ian laughing at the confused look on his face. 

“Milkovich” Ian said. 

Mickey looked at Luke staring at Ian with a stunned look on his face. 

“Gallagher.” He said quietly and brought his eyes back to Ian’s. 

He felt his eyes fill as he nodded, Ian reached over to him and he felt his hand in his as he closed his eyes. 

 

Mickey opened his eyes, Ian stood in front of the shower head and the water beat on his back. Ian’s hands were on his face and he was looking at him with love in his eyes. 

“I’ll never break your heart again as long as I’m breathing. “ Ian said. Mickey saw his eyes flicker with worry and knew what he wanted him to say. He steeled himself against the pain and made his promise again. 

“I’ll never leave again as long as I’m breathing.” He said. Mickey saw Ian’s eye soften and the worry lift from his eyes. 

Mickey moved his hands over his sides and pulled him in, Ian’s arms went around his neck and he slid his hands over his back through the hot water. The steam rose as he moved his hands over him, he kissed his shoulder and turned his head into his neck breathing him in. 

He lifted his hand to the back of his head and held it, he took in a long deep breath and pulled his head back as he brought his hand up to Ian’s face.

“I promised.” Ian said softly. Mickey felt all the hurt and love from Ian. Mickey waited for Ian’s eyes to come to his, Ian’s eyes lifted to his and Mickey moved his thumb over his cheek. 

“You kept your promise.” He said. 

Mickey saw his heart breaking in his eyes, Ian knew losing him would break his heart and through sheer Ian will had stayed with him. Ian had kept his promise and now it was time for him to keep his. 

“You’re so strong.” Mickey said as he kissed Ian, Ian’s lips came to his and he moved his hand to his neck. Mickey’s heart melted with the slow sweet kiss. He watched Ian’s eyes fill with tears as Ian’s hand came to his face. 

“You don’t have to be strong anymore.” He said softly. 

Ian shook his head and the tears fell down his face. 

Mickey pulled him in and moved his hand over his back as he shook. 

“Shhh.” He whispered and felt Ian’s heart ease as he swayed him back and forth. He lifted his hand through Ian’s hair and closed his eyes. 

 

Mickey heard the waves and felt the sun on his skin as he opened his eyes, he saw the sand and lifted his eyes to the water. 

They were sitting side by side as the on the beach in Mexico. 

He turned his head to look at Ian, his arms were resting on his knees as he looked out over the water, he watched Ian’s hair shine in the sunlight and his eyes moved over his face. 

Mickey turned his eyes back toward the beach, the waves crashed over the white sand and the sun was setting into the ocean. With every wave a memory came, running on the beach with Ian, laughing and sinking under the water, kissing Ian under the moonlight with the water moving around him. The memory of what Ian had said when they had come here the first time came to him, he took in a long breath of the sweet air and held onto it.

“Even if I knew from the start how things would go.” He said and felt the tears fill his eyes. 

“I’d do it all again to be here with you.” He said as his eyes spilled over. 

He felt Ian’s arm come around him and he pulled him in, he wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. He felt Ian’s heart and turned his head into his neck, he held the back of his neck and Ian moved his hand over his back. His heart settled in his chest and he felt Ian pulling him gently down to his side. Ian pulled his face back and his eyes stared into his as they faced each other lying on the sand. Ian lifted his hand and wiped his tears away with his fingers, Mickey smiled and watched the corners of Ian’s lips turn up into a smile. 

Ian lifted an arm under him and put it under his head like a pillow and looked down at the sand, his fingers picked up the sand and it slipped through his fingers and fell back down to the beach. 

Mickey waited and watched him pull the sand up into his fingers. 

Mickey brought his hand to his and brushed over his sandy fingertips, Ian stopped picking up the sand and brushed the tips of his fingers against his fingertips. 

“Do you know how much I love you?” Ian said as his eyes came to his.

Mickey smiled and nodded. 

Ian lifted his hand and moved it over his arm and up to his shoulder, Mickey held his gaze and saw all the love in Ian’s heart. 

Ian shook his head and smiled as his lips came to his. 

Mickey felt a swell of love start in his heart as Ian’s lips came to his. 

He saw his face when he smiled and felt a rush of love that stopped his breath. 

He saw his face and heard his voice say “Ian” and felt Ian’s heart smile as he said his name.

He saw his face sleeping and felt the well of Ian’s sweet soul. 

He saw himself walk in the door and felt Ian’s heart lift with happiness. 

He saw his face looking up with love in his eyes. He felt a wave of love that rushed though him and he shook as he felt Ian’s eyes sting with the force of it. 

He felt all of it, everything Ian felt for him. It rose up into a wave and crashed down over him, it was as wide and as deep as an ocean with a fast hard current that ran through it. It moved over him and he felt every wave of love and every current of need. It settled over him and he felt the weight of it, the rush of it and the sweet edge of Ian’s heart. 

He heard the steady slow waves.

“I love you.” He heard. 

Mickey looked into Ian’s eyes and saw the light in them, Ian smiled at him as he felt his eyes close. 

 

Mickey opened his eyes and saw Ian’s hand in his and tightened his fingers. They were lying in the hospital bed. He could still hear the waves and felt them in his heart

“I love you.” He said as his eyes filled. 

The waves soften and slowed, he lifted their hands to his lips and kissed the back of Ian’s hand, he lowered it and brought it into his chest over his heart. 

The feeling stayed in his heart as Mickey heard the last wave slip away from the sand. 

He felt it as clearly as he felt Ian’s hand in his, he felt it in his soul.

Ian was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Luke stepped off the L and walked quickly to the steps that led down to the street, he carried his bag on his shoulder and adjusted it as he took the steps down. He didn’t call anyone to pick him up, he knew Mickey thought he did but he didn’t want anyone to worry about him right now. 

Ian was more important. 

He hit the bottom of the steps and walked through the dark street, he tightened his hand around his violin handle and kept his eyes and ears open as he walked. This was his neighborhood and he was known, he was Ian and Mickey’s kid. 

Luke smiled to himself, he had a name but generally he was ‘The kid with the violin’ or ‘The smart one’ but he liked ‘Ian and Mickey’s’ kid' the best. He had been with them since he was 13 and they had given him everything, not in material worth but everything that was important, they had given him a home, they had given him love and they had given him strength. 

He had needed all of it over the past year and a half, it was the worst day of his life the day he got the call from Heidi. 

Luke had seen the phone light up as he played in the studio, he smiled when he saw Heidi’s name on the screen. He lifted the bow and scowled down at his violin, sometimes he hated the struggle and right now he was frustrated as fuck. Heidi’s sweet voice would be just the thing to cheer him up. 

He picked up the phone and hit accept. 

“Hey sexy mama.” He said with a smile. 

“Luke.” He heard and his blood ran cold at her tone. He heard tears in her voice, pain and worry.

“What’s wrong?” He shot out. 

“You have to come home.” She said, he heard her tone and his heart tore as he sucked in a breath.

“What happened?” He said as he shoved his violin in the case. 

“Just come home.” Heidi said clearly. 

Luke slammed the violin case closed. 

“Heidi.” He snapped. 

He heard her take in a sobbing breath, Luke closed his eyes and tried to reign in his rage. 

“I’m sorry.” He said. 

“No, no.” Heidi said. “It’s OK.” 

Luke took a deep breath and let it out, he opened his eyes and listened to Heidi soft breath on the phone. She was family and she was a part of his heart. 

“Heidi please.” He said quietly. 

He heard Heidi take in a short breath. 

“It’s Ian.” She said. 

His brain had gone on auto pilot as he picked up his violin and ran. 

“Where is he?” He said as he ran through the door and down the hallway, his feet echoing through the studio rooms. 

“He’s in surgery.” She said. 

“What the fuck?” He said as he pushed open the door and flew down the steps. 

“I’ll call the airline.” She said. 

He ran across the courtyard and down the walkway.

“Luke?” he heard and ignored it. 

He ran to the parking lot scanning the cars as he went, he saw the old pickup truck and picked up speed. He hit the side of the truck and pulled the door handle, it opened and he shoved himself in throwing the phone and pulling the door closed. 

He dropped his violin on the seat and pulled at the steering column baring his teeth. It cracked open and he pushed it down. He pulled at the wires and found the two he needed, he rubbed them together with shaking hands. 

“Come on.” He hissed as it sparked. 

The engine came to life and he pushed down on the gas. The engine roared and he slammed it in drive and shot out of the spot. 

Heidi’s voice came back to him. 

“It’s Ian.” Her voice was full of sadness but more than that it was full of fear.

He turned the wheel hard and the tires squealed around the corner, his heart was racing and his hands were shaky on the wheel. 

“Get it together Gallagher.” He said to himself. 

He had focused on the road in front of him and tightened his hands on the wheel as he sped toward the airport. 

 

He had gotten himself together enough to get to the airport in his stolen truck. Luke smiled to himself, his roommate hadn’t been pissed he had ripped out his steering column, he was a big lovable guy who could play the blues like nobody’s business. Luckily he had a very bad habit of keeping the doors unlocked because he had left that morning and had taken the keys with him. He had driven the old truck to New York from New Orleans and even though they both used the subway to get around New York most of the time, it was nice to have the truck for 3am food and beer runs. 

Luke walked and let his mind drift, he was careful about his thoughts. He knew himself well enough to know he needed to remember and feel what he felt but it was painful. Ian was his father and he loved him, he loved his squishy heart. 

He thought about how Ian would react to him saying he had a squishy heart. 

“Ya.” Ian would say tilting his head. “I kinda do.” Ian would smile at him and he’d smile back. 

‘Not really though.’ Luke thought as he smiled. Ian was a tough motherfucker and if he had to choose between them to battle with, he’s choose Mickey. 

Hands down. 

Mickey was tough but Ian? Man he was unmovable when he set his mind on something. That’s not to say he wasn’t squishy. Ian’s sweet nature was what had saved him, he had heard his tone when he had come to take him home. It was as clear as glass and Luke had trusted him. 

Luke let out a breath as hurt came into his heart, he adjusted his backpack and turned the corner. He pulled his coat against him in the wind and looked up the trees, the leaves had turned into bright colors and winter was going to come soon. 

He knew Ian was going to be pissed he wasn’t in school but he couldn’t be there, he needed to be home with his family. He had been at school for almost a month and was a fucking mess. He played with anger and pain when he played at all, his heart wasn’t in it for the first time in his life. 

He felt his heart settle as he walked toward home, he felt the sense of belonging he always felt here. It was the South side and it was home, he had walked down these streets for most of his life and he knew the streets and the houses, he knew who lived in them and what their story was. He was South side through and through. 

‘South side, rockin’ the violin.’ He thought with a smirk. 

He knew it was a dichotomy but it was him and Ian and Mickey had taught him he could be himself and be as tough as them. 

But he wasn’t, he knew he wasn’t. He felt so weak and powerless since the day he had come home to find them all gathered together in the hospital waiting room. 

He had run through the hall and saw Carl leaning against the wall outside of the room. He saw all of them as his eyes searched for Mickey. They all had their arms around each other and he saw Heidi crying as Mandy held her. 

He had slowed down and Carl straightened up from the wall. 

“Where’s Mickey?” He panted out. 

Carl put his hand on his shoulder to steady him, his eyes went in and out of focus on Carl.

“Breathe man.” Carl said. 

Luke bent down bracing his hands on his legs and took three long breaths. 

He straightened up and Carl had his eyes focused on his face. 

“You good?” Carl said.

“Ya.” He said nodding. 

They turned together and walked into the room, he saw them all lined up around the wall and in the two lines of chairs in the middle of the room. He looked for Mickey and he wasn’t in the room. 

Heidi saw him and held her hand out, he walked to her and held her hand as he sat down. 

“Where’s Mickey?” He said. 

“He’s with the doctors.” Mandy said. 

“What did they say?” He said looking back and forth between Mandy and Heidi.

Mandy shook her head and it fell to her chin as she crossed her arm. 

Heidi kept her arm around Mandy and looked down at his hand she held tightly. 

“We’re waiting for them to come back.” Heidi said. 

‘Them?’ He thought. He looked around the room and Lip and Fiona weren’t there. 

“Is he OK?” He asked. 

Heidi took a breath and he looked into her crying eyes. 

“We don’t know.” Heidi said. Luke looked around the room, they all looked back at him with pain and tears. Carl was inside the door looking over at him, he started toward him and sat in the seat next to his. 

“He was hurt pretty bad.” Carl said as he braced his elbows on his legs. 

“How bad?” he asked. 

“Luke.” Heidi said and his eyes came back to hers. 

Luke felt the rage rise up in him, this was his father and he needed to know. 

‘SOMEONE NEEDS TO FUCKING ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW.” He bellowed. 

Heidi pulled at his hand and he pulled it away from hers. 

“Right the fuck now!” He seethed. 

“He was shot in the head.” Carl said. 

Luke’s heart stopped and he turned his eyes to Carl’s.

“What?” he heard himself say as Carl swirled in front of him. 

Carl took a deep breath and turned to him. 

“There was a domestic.” Carl started. 

Luke felt all the blood rush to his brain. 

“It wasn’t cleared.” Carl said with heat and anger. Luke saw his hand rise up and watched it as he went numb. 

He felt Carl’s hand grip his shoulder. 

“Ian saw the guy coming and shielded the kid.” Carl said and Luke saw the tears in Carl’s eyes. 

Luke saw Carl’s eyes close as he shook his head, he lifted his hand to his on his shoulder and covered Carl’s hand. Carl took a deep breath and squeezed his shoulder. 

“You weren’t there.” He said. He wasn’t a question, it was a desperate hope that Carl wasn’t there to see Ian hurt. 

Carl shook his head quickly and Luke let out the breath he was holding. Carl sat back and Luke dropped his hand from his shoulder. Luke looked down at his hands and he felt his breath in his lungs, his mind moved slowly and he felt hollow. 

“He saved the kid.” Carl said beside him. Luke’s eyes filled with hot tears as his heart filled with pride and understanding. 

Ian had saved the kid just like Ian had saved him. 

 

Luke felt the same pride and understanding as he walked, Ian had saved a five year old boy and his mother from being murdered in their own home. Her boyfriend had been on a drug binge and had beaten them both, he had run when the police were called but had snuck back into the house through the back door with a gun after the EMT’s got the all clear. Ian was crouching down on the floor in front of the boy who had a black eye and a split lip. Ian must have seen the man out of the corner of his eyes or saw the boys eyes change because he had turned around and called out,

“GUN.” 

He had shoved himself down over the boy and covered the little boy’s body with his. 

The cops outside had heard him and had rushed in. They had stopped the man from killing the mother. 

The man was deranged and high, it had taken six bullets before he went down. 

Ian had been hit with the bullet meant for the little boy. 

The whole city had stopped in that moment, all the cop cars in Chicago had cleared the streets for Ian’s ambulance as it flew toward the hospital, every siren in Chicago had been on, every light on every cop car, ambulance and firetruck had been flashed through the streets. 

One cop car had stopped at their house before joining the others, it was Carl. 

Carl had immediately gone to their house to get Mickey. Carl didn’t talk about that day much, it was really hard for him. He felt so much guilt and anger over not being there that he barely spoken for months after Ian was hurt. 

Luke was going to call Carl as soon as he got home and saw Ian and Mickey. Carl was his best friend, he was his uncle and godfather but mostly he was his best friend. They had been though it the past year and a half and they had been there for each other. They were always together after that day, they had held on to each other, they had beat the shit out of each other when the rage poured out and they had sat together quietly when there was too many feelings and not enough words. 

Carl’s pain was quiet but Mickey……Mickey had raged. 

 

Fiona and Lip had come back with stunned faces with tears streaming from their eyes, Luke had looked behind them for Mickey as his heart ripped in his chest, he rushed past Fiona and Lip and saw Mickey’s back as he walked quickly down the long hallway, Luke had followed him and watched him walk faster and faster with his fists clenched at his sides. Mickey came to a door and stopped in his tracks, Luke came up short watching him. 

Mickey swayed on his feet he heard his ragged breathing, Mickey’s arm went out and it slid on the wall as he turned into it. Luke saw his face for the first time and saw it was twisting up with pain with every breath he took. 

Luke’s heart broke for him as Mickey shook his head with his eyes closing tightly. 

Mickey’s eyes flew open and he saw a blur as Mickey punched the wall. Luke rushed forward as Mickey hit the concrete wall over and over Luke grabbed his arm as he pulled it back, Mickey punched at the wall with his other arm and shoved his whole body into the wall. Luke caught him before his head hit the wall and Mickey let out a sound that came from his soul, it was guttural and animal. Luke’s tears fell down his face as Mickey shoved his back against the wall and swayed, his face twisted with pain and rage. Luke caught him and felt Mickey go limp in his arms. 

Luke lowered him to the floor gently and knelt in front of him, Mickey shook his head violently as tears started pouring down his face. Luke sat next to him and wrapped his arm around him, Mickey’s breathing hitched as Luke pulled Mickey into him and closed his eyes. 

The doctors had told them Ian had made it through the surgery but he wouldn’t make it through the night. 

 

Luke stopped walking as his eyes stung remembering bringing Mickey back to the room to hear what Mickey already knew. The doctors had said he wouldn’t make it through the night but he had, the doctors had said he wouldn’t make it through the week but he did. 

‘They didn’t know Ian.’ He thought as he shook his head and started walking again. 

Mickey had stayed by his side every minute for days, Luke had brought him food he refused to eat and brought him clean clothes Mickey refused to change into. Luke had finally torn him away long enough for Mickey to have his broken fingers looked at by a doctor, he had broken almost all of his fingers punching the wall and they were black and swollen by the time Mickey had been too exhausted to argue with him. Luke had forced him to take pain medication and Mickey had slept for the first time in days. Luke had stayed awake watching over both of them as they slept in Ian’s hospital room. 

The doctors had no idea how Ian had survived and he had but the doctors had gently told them that there was no chance Ian would ever wake up, Ian was in a persistent vegetative state and he would never come out of it. Mickey had refused to believe it and so had he, the thought of never seeing Ian’s eyes open was incomprehensible to him. 

The doctors and nurses had done all that they could and after six months Ian was off of the ventilator and every medication, there was nothing else they could do for him. 

Mickey and Luke had taken Ian home. 

 

Everything and everyone had changed the day Ian was shot, some of them bonded together and some of them lashed out at each other viciously over the first few weeks. They had all dealt with it in their own way and Luke dealt with it by focusing on Mickey and Ian, in his mind he knew they were two separate people but in his heart they were one entity. They were closer to each other than anyone he had ever known and he had watched over Mickey like Mickey always watched over him. 

It’s what they did, it’s who they were. 

They were a funny looking puzzle that fit together. All of the missing pieces that were there before were filled as the puzzle pieces came together. 

Mickey and Ian and Luke, it was one sentence, one family and they were his song. 

He let his mind drift and heard the notes in his head of a song that had been playing in his head for months, he felt the timber of the lower notes float through his mind. He hadn’t played it, he didn’t know it but it played in his mind when he thought about Ian and Mickey. 

He turned onto his street and felt his heart settle when he saw the house. It always felt the same and looked the same, a little white house with a small walkway and a driveway that had one small car and one big old black truck. 

Mickey loved that huge piece of shit truck he thought as he rolled his eyes, Ian had new cars over the years but Mickey, nah. He’d rather drive around in a big old truck that was too loud and needed to be fixed all the time. 

“Mickey’s so sentimental.” He thought and laughed to himself. 

Ian was constantly bitching that Mickey should get another car. Mickey would bitch back that he didn’t need another car. Ian would bitch that he was losing his mind seeing the truck half taken apart all the time and Mickey would bitch that he didn’t have to look at the truck taken apart all the time, did he?

Luke snorted out a laugh as he walked up to the house, he missed them bitching at each other, they were hysterical when they got going. Luke would pipe in on one side just to push the bitchiness along. 

He saw that none of the lights were on as he walked up to the door and he pulled out his keys, he pushed the key in the lock and turned it pushing the door open. He stepped into almost total darkness, he squinted his eyes but it was too dark to see clearly. He closed the door quietly and lowered his violin to the floor and let his bag slid down, he put it next to his violin and focused his hearing through the house. 

Nothing. 

His eyes adjusted enough to see a shadow on the couch, he took a step forward but the shadow didn’t move. He walked to the couch and stood in front of the coffee table, the shadow was Mickey. 

“Hey.” He said quietly. Mickey didn’t answer him. Luke walked around the coffee table and sat down facing him. He couldn’t see his face clearly and he couldn’t hear him breathing. 

“Hey.” He said and reached out for his arm. 

His skin was cold and he felt his heart sink in his chest. 

“MICKEY.” He said and shook his arm, Mickey didn’t answer him.

Luke brought his hand up and pulled his face toward him, his eyes were open but Luke couldn’t see them in the dim light. 

“Fuck.” He shot out and gripped his arm tightly. 

He lifted his hand and smacked Mickey’s face hard, he heard Mickey take in a breath. 

“Jesus.” He hissed out as his eyes rolled closed, he lifted his hand to his mouth and felt his heart roll with fear. 

Luke focused on his hearing and heard Mickey take long slow breathes, he opened his eyes and saw Mickey’s eyes were still open. 

Luke took his hand from his mouth and waved it in front of Mickey’s face, Mickey didn’t react at all. 

“Mickey? Hey, it’s me.” He said as he put his hand under his chin and focused his eyes on his. 

He felt Mickey’s hand on his arm and felt it slide away, he heard Mickey breathing slow down drastically and his head rolled down to his chest. 

“Shit.” Luke hissed out. He sat back and unzipped his coat, he whipped it off and shoved it over Mickey’s body. 

“Mickey breathe! Luke shot out “Breathe right now!” He said as he brought his hand up to Mickey’s chin. 

He heard him take in a breath.

“Good.” He said. “Again.” He breathed in with him and heard Mickey’s breathing get steadier as he held his face. 

He listened to him breath until he was sure he wasn’t going to stop again. He let go of his grip on Mickey’s face and gently took it away watching him, Mickey held his head up without help. 

Luke took slow breathes and sat back into the couch with his eyes on Mickey. He pushed his hand over his mouth as relief washed through him, he was scared out of his mind when he realized Mickey was in some kind of shock. He reached his arm over and rubbed it up and down Mickey’s arm to warm him up.

“You’re OK.” He breathed out. 

Luke’s mind started to clear from the fear, his eyes focused and they adjusted in the dim light. He saw Mickey’s eyes, there was no sparkle, there was no light, there was no Mickey. 

Luke’s eyes filled before the thought formed in his mind, his heart cracked into pieces as it came to him slowly. 

There was no light in Mickey because Ian was Mickey’s light. 

Mickey’s light and the song in his heart had died.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke didn’t know how long they sat there, he listened to Mickey breathe and felt the stillness of the house. His eyes would fill and spill over down his cheeks, they fell unchecked down his face. Mickey didn’t move, he kept his hand on his arm and sat with him. 

Luke was frozen and his heart hurt with a pain it had never felt before, he felt it start to rise in him and pushed it down, he focused on Mickey and centered himself carefully. He turned Mickey and lifted his hand to his face, he felt Mickey’s skin wasn’t cold to the touch anymore. He turned away from Mickey long enough put his foot on the coffee table, he pushed it until there was a clear path from the couch. He lifted his coat off of him and put it beside him. 

“Come on man.” He said quietly. 

He wrapped his arm around Mickey and lifted him as he stood, Mickey swayed and he held him up. Luke walked forward slowly and brought Mickey with him, he stopped and heard Mickey take a small step. 

“Good.” He said. He held him up and walked a forward slowly waiting for Mickey to walk. 

Mickey took two steps and Luke felt him take some of his own weight as he held him up and guided him through the living room slowly. The walked past the kitchen and Luke felt Mickey stop as they came to their bedroom door. Luke nudged him forward toward his bedroom and heard Mickey take a small step.

“Just a little more.” He said. 

They walked through his dark bedroom door and guided Mickey to the bed, he turned Mickey to face him and sat him down on the side of the bed. Luke gently lowered his upper body down until his head was on the pillow and reached down under Mickey’s legs and lifted them up onto the bed. He pulled the blankets up over his shoulder and smoothed them out over him as he rubbed his back and shoulder looking down at his face. Mickey’s eyes were open but he wasn’t seeing anything, he was somewhere else and only his body was here. 

Luke straightened up and stepped back with his eyes on Mickey until he felt the wall behind him and slid down on the floor bringing his knees up in front of him. Luke kept his eyes and ears focused on him until his eyelashes flickered and started to close, he heard his breathing deepen and he felt a wash of relief rush through him as Mickey fell asleep. Luke let his eyes close and felt the pain that had been rolling through him. There was only one thought in his mind as his heart thundered with pain. 

‘Take care of Mickey.’ He thought and heard Ian’s voice. 

Luke opened his eyes and watched over Mickey as he slept. 

 

Luke looked over the sea of people and didn’t see Mickey, his eyes searched and his fists clenched. The anger came with the fear just like it had every day for the past three days. Mickey had stayed in his bed for two days, he had been unresponsive to anything. Luke had brought him food and Mickey had ignored him, he didn’t even push him away when he tried to force him to eat. Heidi had come and crawled into bed with him, she had stayed in there for a long time and Mickey hadn’t even looked at her. 

Luke had tried everything he could think of, he tried talking to him, bringing anyone in who he thought he would respond to, he had even bitched at him and Mickey had completely ignored him. 

“What the fuck are we gonna do?” Mandy said as he walked into the kitchen. 

“Nothing for now.” He said to her. 

“But…” Heidi said and Luke saw her sad eyes, Luke had reached out his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder pulling her into his chest. 

“He’ll be OK.” He had said. “He’ll come out of it.” 

Luke had said it to Heidi and he had no idea at the time how right he was. Mickey had come out of it alright, Mickey had come out of it raging with fury. Mickey’s stomping feet had woken him up as he slept on the couch. 

Luke woke up fast hearing his footsteps and moved his hand out to the coffee table reaching for his glasses, he sat up as he put them on and saw Mickey shooting whiskey straight down from a big bottle. 

“Hey.” He said. Mickey’s eyes had flashed down to his and away as he lowered the bottle. 

“Ahhh morning.” He said as he pushed the blankets back and stood up. 

Mickey turned toward the hook with the car keys and lifted the truck keys as he took another long drink of whiskey. Luke’s mouth opened to speak and Mickey’s eyes landed on his and flashed.

“You got somthin’ to say?” he said in a harsh voice. 

Luke shook his head. “No.” He said.

Mickey smirked and nodded as he walked toward the door. 

“Where are you going?” he asked. 

Mickey turned his head to his and he saw the glare and his head went back at the look Mickey was giving him. 

“If it was any of your fucking business I’d fuckin’ tell you.” Mickey said in the same harsh tone as he pulled open the door, he stomped out without looking back and slammed the door behind him. 

Luke’s mouth was open as he walked to the window, he heard Mickey’s truck roar to life and the tires screech as he backed out. Luke pushed his fingers through the blinds and saw Mickey behind the wheel of his truck, his face was hard and set in stone as he hit the gas and the truck shot forward and sped past the house. 

“What. The. Fuck.” He said to himself as stepped back from the window. 

“What the fuck just happened?” He shot out. 

Luke had lived with then for seven years and knew Mickey like he knew himself, he had never heard that tone, he had never seen that look in his eyes. He knew Mickey was hard but that wasn’t just hard, that was brutal. He pushed his hands under his glasses and pushed at his eyes. A thought rushed through his head and panic shot through him like a knife. 

“Holy shit.” He said as he started forward, he ran through the house and into Ian and Mickey’s room and saw the ring wasn’t in the little box on Mickey’s dresser and he felt his panic ease. Mickey had his ring and as long as he had it on he wouldn’t do anything stupid. 

Luke looked over the pictures tacked up where the mirror should be, he saw a picture of Ian’s smiling face and lifted his hand up to the picture, his eyes filled and he blinked back the tears as his eyes moved around the pictures. 

Mickey, Ian, Mickey and Ian and pictures of him as he grew. 

Luke felt himself smile when he saw one of him in a baseball uniform, he didn’t know what he was thinking when he played baseball, he sucked at it but Ian had brought him to games and cheered for him in the stands. 

Ian and Mickey at Christmas, Mickey was making a face and Ian was laughing at it, Luke felt bubble of laughter in his chest. 

Pictures of their trips to Mexico, the beach, the water, Ian sitting in the sand with a beer in the sand next to him. Luke saw his sweet smile and he smiled at the picture, his heart ached but he needed to see Ian’s face. Mickey in the water with a smile on his face. Ian sitting on a big rock waving at the camera. 

They were smiling in all of them. 

Luke saw a picture of his face but it was smaller, he was smiling with a box of popcorn in his lap and Mickey had his arm around his shoulder. Luke remembered that day, it was Mickey’s birthday and they had gone to his first baseball game. He still had the hat he was wearing in the picture. 

He lifted both hands and pulled the tac out as he lifted the picture. This was Mickey, this was the man he knew. He walked through the bedroom and into his room, he walked to his dresser and lifted his hand over it. He slid the picture into the side of the framed piece of paper that had the document changing his name to Luke Milkovich Gallagher. He pulled his hand away and took a breath. 

That was Mickey. 

 

Luke paced and picked up his phone that had been glued to his hand all day, he glared down at it and turned around, he saw Carl in his dress uniform and walked over to him. 

“Motherfucker cocksucking son of a bitch.” He said as he walked up to him.

“Still nothing?” Carl said. 

Luke nodded his head swinging it around. He growled under his breath and looked around for Mickey. 

“”You wouldn’t even believe the shit he’s been doing.” He said shaking his head. 

“Ya man.” Carl said. “When I was a kid Mickey was hard core.” 

“Ya, I know.” He said as he looked over the crowd.

“No.” Carl said shaking his head. “Ya don’t.” 

Luke’s eyes snapped to Carl’s face. Carl nodded and Luke grunted in his throat. 

“I know you think you do but you don’t.” Carl said. 

“Whatthefuckever man.” He said and waved his hands up as he walked away. He saw Ian’s friends from work and detoured to the left, he didn’t want to be nice right now. He saw James and Ginny and he felt a slice of relief, someone he knew and he could be pissed with.

Perfect.

He made his way through the people and he saw James’ eyes come to his. 

“Hey.” James said as he came up to him. 

“Hey.” He said and leaned over to hug Ginny. She gave the best hugs, she squished you into her heart with her arms. Luke felt his heart lighten in his chest as she squished him and felt his lips turn up into a small smile as he straightened up. He turned to James as his big arm came around his shoulder, he felt his eyes burn as he felt James rub his shoulder. 

“This is incredible.” Ginny said as she looked around. 

Luke nodded and looked over the crowd that was around them, the firetrucks lined the street with ambulances in a row behind it. The whole city was ready to say goodbye to the street kid who had turned himself around and had become an amazing man who had saved a little boy from a man with a gun. 

Everyone was here except for the one person who mattered most. 

 

Luke had waited all day for Mickey to come back after he had woken up, he had called everyone and no one had seen him. He paced and kicked the furniture as he waited for news. He had lifted Ian’s keys from the hook when he couldn’t take the waiting around anymore and headed for the door trying to figure out where Mickey would go. 

Luke stopped and looked over Ian’s car, no one had touched it the whole time Ian was in the hospital, it just didn’t feel right but he needed to find Mickey. He hit the unlock key on the key ring taking a deep breath and got in the car, he closed the door and saw a key ring he had given him of a picture of the three of them hanging from the keys in his hand, he took another breath and started the car. The radio turned on and he heard NPR, laughter rolled out of him as the memory of Ian’s face came to him. 

“How’d that happen?” Ian had said casually when he had started the car and Luke had heard NPR instead of music. 

Luke had giggled and Ian had looked away with a sheepish smile on his face. 

“You changed it.” Ian said.

“HA!.” Luke had said. “You listen to NPR?” he asked. 

Ian’s face had gone all wide with innocence. 

“Whaaatt?” Ian had said shaking his head. 

“Mm hm.” He had murmured. They knew he could hear if they were lying and had worked their way around it like asking. ‘What?’ or “Huh?” or What the fuck are you talking about?” They said that one a lot. 

“Must have been Mickey.” Ian had said tilting his head and a shrug. 

Luke had laughed long and hard and Ian had smiled over at him as he changed the radio station. 

Luke laughed as he listened to the man’s stern voice, the more he heard the harder he laughed. He tried to stop the laughs and he felt the tears in his eyes, he wiped his thumb and finger over his eyes under his glasses and sniffed. He hit the pre-set button and heard rock music pour out of the speakers. He pulled out of the driveway and thought about where Mickey would go.

Mexico. That was a no brainer but he had called James and Mickey hadn’t left the country, not that Mickey needed to go by legal means but Luke knew Mickey well enough to know he wouldn’t go that far. 

Yet. 

Mickey would stay because of him but as soon as he thought it he remembered his tone that morning and Luke felt a sliver of doubt in his heart. 

‘He will.’ He thought and heard Ian’s voice. 

‘Ya he’s still here.” He thought and drove through the South Side.

“So I’m a street thug who needs to get away, where would I go?” He said out loud. 

“Hm. Bar?” He said. There were hundreds of bars in Chicago and he had called Kev and he hadn’t seen Mickey all day. 

Luke glanced down at the clock. 9:20, he could be anywhere. 

“Come on man think!” He said to himself. 

He drove thinking hard until he heard his phone ring. He reached in his pocket and swiped at it without looking who it was. 

“Ya.” He said as the phone came up to his ear. 

He heard a crash and glass shattering. 

“Hey Luke?” Kev said. 

“Ya.” He said. 

“Ah I found Mickey.” Kev said. 

“He’s there?” He said. 

“Ya.” Kev said. “Whoa.”

He heard Mickey cackle. 

“Oh fuck.” He hissed.

“Hey take it easy with the fire man.” He heard Kev call out. 

“Fireman?” He said. 

“Huh.” Kev said. 

“There’s a fireman?” Luke said. 

“What?” Kev said as he heard another crash. 

“Aw fuck, come get him man.” Kev said and the phone went dead.

“Yuuup.” Luke said and put his phone away as he sped up, he had gone in the wrong direction and was miles away from the Alibi. He came to the light and took and illegal U-turn and sped down the road, he weaved in and out of traffic as he focused on the road and getting there as fast as he could. 

‘Why the fuck did Mickey go there and where was he all day?’ he thought as his hand pulled the wheel, the tires squealed as he took the corner and he weaved around another car. 

Ian would kill him if he saw him drive his car this way he thought and took his foot off the gas. The car slowed down but not before Luke saw blue lights flash behind him and heard the sharp blare of a siren.

“Oh what the fuck?” He said and looked for a place to pull over. He braked and his teeth were grinding together. He waited and drummed all of his fingers on the steering wheel as he saw the bright glaring and saw the light shift as the cop come up to his window. 

He tapped lightly on the window and Luke shifted his hand down to the button and opened the window. 

“License and registration.” The cop said. He heard the tone, strict, stern and dominant. 

‘They teach that in cop school I think.’ He thought as he hissed out a breath and lifted his hip to dig in his back pocket for his wallet. 

He grumbled and opened it. 

“Do you know how fast you were going son?” Luke heard and he stopped. 

He took a deep breath and didn’t shove the door open and push him down like he wanted to.

He turned his head and looked up in the glare of light. 

“66 miles per hour.” He said with his eyes hard and his tone precise. 

“That’s right, in a 40 mile an hour zone.” 

“I have somewhere I need to be right now.” He said in a calm voice. 

“License and registration.” The cop said in cop tone. 

Luke let his head fall to his shoulder and his eyes rolled back as he turned his face forward. He pulled out his license and handed it through the window without looking out. He saw the glare flicker and he heard the cop walk away as he grumbled under his breath. 

“Oh ya sure, don’t listen to me. It’s not like I need to go across town to save my crazy fucking father from going back to jail… Oh no.” He said and lowered his head to the steering wheel. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He said as he smacked his head on the steering wheel. He heard footsteps and they were right outside the door. 

‘I think he saw that.’ Luke thought. 

He lifted his head and didn’t look up.

“Luke?” He heard. 

“Yeaah?” he said and turned his eyes out with a glare. 

“You’re Ian’s kid.” He heard. The cops tone was not cop tone anymore. 

“Yes.” He said. “I’m Ian’s kid.” He said and felt the tears come and blinked them back.

The cop waved an arm out and the light went out. Luke looked up and saw a wide face stare down at him. 

“Carl’s your uncle.” He said. Luke nodded. The cop let out a long breath and Luke saw his eyes shift to him and away. 

“I…ahh.. I was sorry to hear about your dad.” He said. “I worked with him a few times and he was a great guy.” 

Luke felt the tears and smiled a little. 

“Thanks man.” He said. Luke could see his name tag. Officer Kevin Mallony.

Luke saw him hold out his hand with his license. 

“Where do you need to be?” Officer Mallony asked. 

Luke let out a long sigh as he took the license and waved it up. 

“My father…my other father is losing his shit on the other side of the city and I have to find him before he completely losses it and I have to visit him in lock up with dogs and guns and fences, but he’ll just break out again and then we’ll be on the run which ya know would be fine I could play on a street corner and he could…..” Luke paused and thought. “I don’t know what he’d do exactly but it would be bad because he is completely losing his mind and I don’t know what to do, this is Ian’s thing. Not his thing exactly but Ian is good at reining in the crazy and Mickey is a whole lotta crazy right now and I know why he’s crazy but he’s still being crazy even though I know….…Ya know?” He said and turned his eyes up to officer Mallony. 

“Ahhhh yeahh??” He said. Luke saw his eyes were wide and his head tilted. 

“Yeah.” Luke said and nodded his head. 

“Where you going son?” He asked. 

“Alibi.” Luke said. Luke opened his mouth to ask if he knew where it was and Officer Mallony put his hand up. 

“Follow me.” Officer Maloney said and walked to his car quickly. 

Luke looked in the rearview mirror and saw the lights and sirens go on as cop car shoot past him and smiled as he pulled out behind him.

“Nice guy.’ Luke thought as he sped up behind the cop car. “Not a big talker though.” He thought. He shrugged his shoulders and sped down the road behind officer Mallony. 

 

Luke pushed open the door of the Alibi and saw the havoc Mickey had caused. 

“Oh fuuck.” He said as he looked around. Broken chairs were scattered on the floor, tables were tipped over and glass was everywhere. There was a fair amount of blood mixed in with the beer on the floor. 

“He’s gone.” He heard and turned to Kev as he came out from behind a door with a broom.

“Shiiit.” Luke said and Kev pushed the glass and broken chairs with his broom. 

“I’m sorry man.” He said and Kev shook his head. 

“It’s all good.” Kev said. “It’s part of the bar owners life but the fire?” Kev shook his head. 

“Fire?” Luke said. 

“Ya.” Kev said with a smile. “Lucky I had that bucket of beer hangin’ around”

“Bucket of beer?” He asked turning his head. 

“Ya bobbing for boobies.” Kev said like that explained everything. 

Luke opened his mouth and all that came out was “Ahhh”

“Ya man.” He looked at Luke and saw his face. “It’s a game.”

Luke turned his head to the other way and stared at him.

“Nevermind.” Kev said with a smile. 

“Ya ok.” Luke said and looked around as he turned.

“We’ll pay for this.” He said to Kev as he started for the door. 

“Nah man.” Kev said and his eyes came to his. “Mickey’s hurtin’, I don’t know what I’d do if it was V.” Kev let out a long breath and straightened up with the broom in one hand. 

“Thanks Kev.” He said. Kev smiled at him and Luke saw the tears in his eyes as the door closed behind him. 

 

Luke slammed the door to Ian’s car and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He could call Carl and have an APB put out. Nah, Mickey would kick his ass for just thinking it. He sat back and braced his arm on the window. He bit his thumb nail and thought about going home, Mickey could be there but he doubted it, the way he had run out of there, he didn’t think he was coming back anytime soon. 

A bubble of frustration boiled in him and he let out a long breath and he lowered his head, he lifted his hand with the keys in them and saw the picture again, he lifted it into the light and moved it until he could see it clearly. Mickey and Ian stood beside him and he had his arms round their necks. Mickey had his arms crossed and Ian’s arm was behind his back. 

Luke focused on Ian’s face.

“You’d know where he is.” He said quietly and felt his own weakness and let out a grunt of frustration as he let the key chain go, it turned around and Luke saw a picture on the other side. He turned the key chain around, it was a picture of Mickey and Ian sitting together with their backs against the bleachers and their legs out in front of them. It was the first time they had gone to see him play baseball and Ian and Mickey had been looking at each other and talking in their secret language. Ian had asked Luke to take a picture of them, Mickey had sat on the bleaches rolling his eyes but smiled up at Ian and nodded as he sat down next to him. 

“Baseball, baseball.” He whispered. There was something in his memory about them and baseball, he thought back to Ian telling him about them. 

“We met at the baseball field.” Ian had said and smiled. 

“When Mickey broke the fuck out.” Luke said and started the car. 

“Yeess!” He said and checked the mirrors for cops before he shot the car around and did a U-turn in the middle of the street. 

 

Luke walked up to the fence and kept in the shadows, he had parked away from the baseball field, he didn’t want Mickey to bolt if he saw him. He saw the lights across the field and his heart sank as he looked around, he didn’t see Mickey. 

‘He has to be here.’ He thought and started walking around the fence and around the far end of the field. He saw an orange glow move and his eyes locked in on it. He was across the field in the old dug out, he saw the glow move up and down. 

Luke stepped further into the shadow and looked across the field, in the darkness he could see Mickey sitting on the bench with his head against the wall of the dugout staring out over the field. He was still for a long minute until Luke saw the cigarette come up to his mouth he lowered his head and took a long drag, he moved his hand out and he saw the whiskey bottle come up. 

Luke sat on the grass and watched him for a while. He could see his head over the wall and he’d move his head and drink, he smoked one cigarette after another. 

The whiskey bottle came up and Luke saw him hold it out, he saw a blur and heard a crash, the whiskey bottle smashed against the wall off the dugout. Luke’s heart jumped, not in fear but surprise. It had been like lightning, Mickey had seen the bottle was empty and whipped it. 

Luke watched him and saw his face widen into a big smile and his heart lifted but as soon as it did Mickey’s face fell and he looked down at his hand with the cigarette. Luke heard a grunt and heard the pain in it, he saw Mickey’s head fall and he heard the first sob rip through him. Luke’s heart broke and he felt the tears fall as he heard the anguish and pain come from Mickey as the sobs shook through him and he cried in the dark. 

 

Luke was being ushered to the car at the front of the line and looked over his shoulder, Lip was behind him. Lip nodded and he took a deep breath and got into the limousine the city had provided for Ian’s family members. They had to go, they had waited as long as they could for Mickey. 

As he moved across the seat he had a flash of memory of moving into the corner of the car Ian had taken him home in. They all came in behind him and he felt Fiona’s hand cover his, he closed his eyes and turned his hand in hers. 

Luke held her hand as the car door closed and the car started to move. 

 

Luke had watched over Mickey until his wracking sobs had slowed and he had put his head back against the wall. Luke could hear his ragged breathing across the field. Luke’s face was wet with tears, he had cried with Mickey and for Mickey as they sat together. Mickey had fallen over to his side and Luke had lost sight of him, he stood up and stood on his tip toes but couldn’t see him. 

Luke ran quietly around the field looking for an entrance, he saw the open gate and slowed down. He walked quickly over to the dugout and when he saw Mickey on the bench on his back he let out a grateful breath. 

There was nowhere to hide from him on this side of the field. Luke saw the wall on the side of the dugout and winced, if he could just get over there without Mickey seeing him, he thought. He took a few quiet steps watching Mickey, he got the side of the fence and saw Mickey move. 

“It’s me.” He said as Mickey started to stand. “It’s Luke.” 

Mickey straightened up with his fists clenched at his sides.

“The fuck are you doing here?” He said and Luke could hear the slight slur. 

“I just wanted to make sure you were OK.” He said. Mickey took a half step back and he heard him let out a short breathe. 

Mickey stood very still and Luke looked down at the grass and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“I’m fine.” Mickey said. 

Luke nodded and looked back up at him. 

“Are you coming home?” He asked. 

Mickey sat down on the bench and leaned over bracing his arms on his knees. 

“No.” Mickey said. It was flat and cold. Luke worked his jaw out and looked across the field. There was something here he didn’t know about, in all the places in the city he had picked an old broken dug out. 

“Alright.” He said as he looked down at him, he hadn’t moved.

Luke started walking away and felt a pull in him to turn around, he looked over his shoulder and saw Mickey turning away from him. 

“He said no.’ He thought. 

“Turn around.” He heard clear as a bell. 

He turned around and walked back, Mickey had his hand over his eyes and his head was bent. He was shaking hard and he heard his breath, he was sucking air in as he tried to hold back the tears. Luke didn’t hesitate, he walked to him and sat next to him, he wrapped his arm around Mickey and pulled him in. Mickey pushed at him and he held him tighter, Mickey pulled away and he pulled him back, he was tension and rage and he shook hard against him. Luke held him as hard as he could until Mickey didn’t pull or push against him anymore. 

 

The limousine wove though the South Side and Luke saw all the people standing on the side of the road. it lifted his heart to see them and read the signs they had made. Ian would be remembered, that was important. 

It didn’t feel like much right now but he knew it was. He saw the big flag on the firetruck ladders as they drove under it. The car slowed down and came to a stop, Luke took a deep breath and reached out for the handle. He stepped out and saw the streets lined with police in all different uniforms, they had come from all over the state and further to be here. He walked forward and felt Heidi come up beside him, she took his hand and he held it as they walked through the line of policeman and firemen. Luke walked down the long aisle with Heidi’s hand in his, they walked to the front and he stood by his chair as the others came in behind him and sat down. He stayed standing, he looked at every face as they came through the line of policeman. 

He was waiting for Mickey.

 

Luke had held onto Mickey until the raging had slowed, he had led Mickey to the car and drove him home. Luke pulled into the driveway and put the car in park, he left the car idling and looked at the house. He had been nervous to go in the first time, he didn’t know who they were and he was scared of what was going to happen. 

Ian had waited with him as he decided.

Luke sat back and shoved his hands in his pockets, he looked over at Mickey and he was staring out the windshield with his eyes hooded. Everything was quiet including his mind, there was no song playing in his head. 

He heard Mickey shift and he got out of the car, he sat up and turned off the ignition opening his door and pushed out of the car, he slammed the door and walked to the house listening for Mickey behind him. He pulled out the keys and he slipped the key in the lock, he unlocked it and left it open as he walked in the house and turned around. 

“Come on man.” He said and held the door open. He saw Mickey’s eyes shift to his, Luke smiled and turned into the house, he heard Mickey come in behind him and close the door. 

Mickey had eaten a little but shoved the plate away and walked straight back to his bedroom. Luke had waited a minute before walking down the hall and looked in on him, his back was to the door and Luke had closed the door and walked quietly back into the kitchen. He cleaned up the kitchen and picked up the blankets and pillow from the couch and slipped soundlessly into his room. 

‘Not getting past me tonight.’ He thought as he dropped the blankets and pillow in front of the door, he straightened out the blankets and stretched out over them adjusting the pillow under his head. 

‘Nope.’ He thought and he heard a light laugh as he drifted off to sleep. 

 

Luke had woken up and rolled onto his back. The floor was had under him but he had slept soundly dreaming Ian was laughing at him. He tried to remember why Ian was laughing at him, he couldn’t remember the dream but Ian had thought something was really funny. He smiled as he thought of Ian’s laugh, it would turn into a giggle at the slightest provocation. 

They laughed a lot. 

He let out a breath and listened for Mickey, he didn’t hear him. His eyebrows came together and he sat up bracing on his arms, he looked toward the bed and saw a blue blur. He didn’t have his glasses on, he realized but even without them he didn’t see a Mickey blur and he shook his head. 

“He’s just under the covers.’ He thought as he stood up reaching for his glasses on the dresser. He looked at the bed as he brought them over his eyes, he blinked as he slid them on. 

There was no Mickey blur and there was no unblurry Mickey. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He said as he turned around, the door was closed.

“What?” He said to himself waving his arms up and turned back to the bed. 

“That motherfucker.” He murmured as he walked over to the one window in his room and pulled at it, it opened. 

“Son of a bitch” He slammed it shut and pushed at the lock. 

“That sneaky fucking ungrateful motherfuckin…” He grumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen to the refrigerator. 

…I cannot believe he SNUCK out…” He said to himself as he pulled out the juice shaking his head and twisted off the cap as he walked to the cabinet, he slammed the jug on the counter and pulled open the cabinet, he picked up a cup with a cold smile. 

“…and where the fuck is he now…who knows?” He said and held out his hands with the jug of juice and the cup and slammed the cabinet door closed. 

“Could be anywhere and here I am the fucking parent all of a sudden.” He mumbled pouring juice. 

“When the fuck did that happen huh?” He said as he slammed the juice on the counter. 

“Sneaky fucker.” He said as he shook his head. 

Ian’s laugh came into his mind and he realized what Ian had been laughing about in the dream.

“Ya OK.” He said. “Real fucking funny.” He said and lifted his orange juice with a smirk. 

“HA!” He shot out and drank his orange juice.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke hadn’t seen Mickey since that morning but knew he was still in Chicago, there was beer and whiskey missing from the house every day since and James had kept tabs on his phone. 

Luke was still standing as the last few people came down the aisle, he felt his heart twist and his eyes sting as he turned and sat down in his chair. There was an empty chair for Mickey next to his, he kept his eyes forward as he blinked back the tears and focused on the stage. 

They were at the high school outside in the baseball field.

The seats they sat in were in the middle of the field lined up in rows that went on and on and every seat was filled. The bleachers were with filled with people, the policeman and fireman had come in and stood around the field along the side boards. 

It had been his idea to have the service here and no one had understood, he had gone to Phillip who was taking care of everything and told him where it had to be, he had been confused but he had done what he asked. 

Luke heard the man at the podium start to speak and he listened with half and ear, he let his ears blur like his eyes. 

‘He should be here.’ He thought. 

‘It’s what we do, it’s who..” Luke stopped himself mid thought. 

‘Maybe we don’t anymore.’ He thought and felt the tears in his eyes. 

...to meet Ian under unusual circumstances.” He heard James and looked up. 

There was a ripple of quiet laughter from the Gallagher gang. James stood in a dark suit with his arms braced on the sides of the podium. 

“Over time he became a good friend.” James said and his voice shook. 

James shook his head slowly and looked out over the crowd of people. 

“I see all of you and I know Ian is still here because you’re all here.” He said and smiled out over the crowd. 

“I am proud to call him my friend, my good friend because Ian is good.” Luke heard James use the present tense and he felt his heart lift in his chest. 

“His heart is so big and wide and he holds people in his heart, he loves them when they are broken and heals them when they were sick. Ian saw a child who needed love and took him into his home. He loves with all of his heart and all of his heart belongs to Mickey.” James said. 

“Ian gave of himself until his last action.” James said and braced his arms on the podium and looked down, he shook his head and cleared his throat again. 

Luke felt his eyes fill and he blinked his tears away to see James.

“Because for small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.” James said with his eyes on him. 

Luke understood what James was saying, he nodded his head down as James walked across the stage and down the steps. Luke stood up and walked to him, he saw his big blur and he put his arms out. He felt James’ arms come around him and hold him gently in his big arms. 

Luke pulled his face away and James’ sad eyes came to his and Luke nodded. 

“I’m OK.” He whispered. 

“You sure?” James asked. 

Luke didn’t trust himself to speak, he nodded and James kept his arm around him until he started walking toward the stage. His heart started pounding in his chest as he walked up the steps and across the stage to his violin. 

For the first time in his life, he didn’t want to play it. 

Through hazy vision he picked up his violin and turned it into his body and looked out over the crowd, he saw all of the Gallaghers, Heidi and Mandy, he saw James take his seat next to Ginny and look up at him. He looked beyond them over the faces, some he recognized but most he didn’t. 

It felt wrong and he his fingers shook on the bow as he moved it across the strings, he took a breath and held it tighter and it slipped across the violin. He stopped and brought the bow down, he turned the violin and dropped it to his side. He felt his body shake and the tears in his eyes.

Luke heard a quick whistle from the back and his eyes flew open, he searched over the back of the field and saw Mickey. He was standing by the fence and out of the way, he nodded to him and Luke felt his heart ease. He lifted the violin and took in a deep breath, he lifted his bow and brought it over the strings playing the first note of the song. 

 

Mickey stood alone and saw Luke slide the bow over the violin, he had seen his face and he had felt his heart stir through the pain. Luke played the song and he saw his eyes look toward him, he knew where he needed to be and he took a deep breath and felt the pressure and crushing pain. He looked up at Luke and saw his eyes on his and started walking, he walked around the side of the long line of chairs and he saw people’s eyes turn to him, he ignored them and walked up to the front and past Carl, Lip and Heidi.

He sat in the seat next to the seat Luke had stood up from and looked up at Luke playing. The song was sad and he pushed against it. 

“That’s not right.” He thought and focused on Luke, he played with his eyes open and on his violin. Mickey saw him relax and he let out a breath. 

‘He’s OK.’ He thought. Luke pulled the bow out and held the last high note, he lifted the bow and brought his hand with the violin down. Luke walked across the stage and down the steps quickly. 

Mickey stood up as he walked over to him, he saw Luke’s sad eyes and lifted his arms. Luke walked right into them and his arms came around him hard with his violin and bow still in his hands. Mickey held him tight and heard Luke’s sniff and he brought his hand up over his back, he held on to him as he stepped back and lowered Luke into the chair next to his. He kept his arms around him and looked over Luke’s face and saw the tears, he felt a twist in his heart and lifted his hand to Luke’s face and pushed away the tears. Luke sniffed and he sat back with his arm around Luke. 

There were pictures on the stage and he kept his eyes away from them, he numbed his mind and his heart and rubbed his hand over Luke’s shoulder. 

He couldn’t stand being home even after Luke had dragged his ass back. It was too much, it was all there he couldn’t stop the overwhelming choking pain, he got through some of the endless minutes just breathing and some by raging but every single minute hurt. He had gone to the house while Luke had slept to check on him and he knew he was OK from the constant texts and calls in the past few days. 

The kid was pissed. Luke had called him every name under the sun and Mickey had seen the name calling and had smiled a little. 

“He’s just like.”. He stopped himself and closed his eyes. 

Mickey felt Luke’s hand on his arm and opened his eyes. He felt an arm come around him and knew it was Heidi’s arm. Mickey heard the white noise of voices and brought his hand over Luke hair, it was still too long. Mickey felt a smile start on his face and Luke’s eyes came to him and lit up when he saw his face. 

Luke shook his head and smirked at him, he snorted out a laugh and Luke’s face lit up as he laughed quietly. 

Mickey pushed at his head gently and Luke’s head went forward, he brought his head back and laughed. He stopped short realizing where they were. Mickey saw his face freeze in a laugh and his eyes go back and forth and he smiled wider. 

He took in a breath and breathed deeper than he had in days. 

 

As the service ended, Mickey pulled him in quickly and started to stand up. Luke had held onto his arm. 

“I’ll meet you at home.” Mickey said. 

Luke stood up and fell in step with as he started to walk down the side of the chairs. No one stopped them, no one tried to talk to them. They took one look at Mickey’s face and knew better then to approach them. 

 

Mickey turned the wheel and pulled the truck into the driveway, he brought the smoke to his mouth and shoved the truck into park. He pulled the smoke from his mouth and looked over at Luke, he had been quiet on the drive to the house. Mickey looked through the windshield took a long drag of the smoke and turned his eyes to the house, he felt the rise of pain and shifted his eyes away past the house down the street. 

“They all comin’ here?” He asked.

“No, they’re going to the house.” Luke said. 

Mickey nodded. ‘The house’ was the Gallagher house. He looked over at Luke, he had his face turned away looking out the window and Mickey felt the tearing in his heart.

He had to choose, go in there and feel the pain or not be there for Luke. 

He took a deep breath and put the smoke in his mouth, he reached out to the steering column and turned the key in the ignition. The truck engine stopped and he saw Luke turn to him out of the corner of his eye. He pulled the keys out and opened the door pushing himself out slamming the door behind him, he heard the other door slam and he looked at the house as Luke came up next to him, they fell in step and walked over the walkway and up to the door together. 

 

Mickey sat at the table and waited for Luke, he had gone into his room to change out of his suit. Mickey was still in his black shirt and dress pants, he had come home to take a shower earlier. He had only been in their room once before today and he had been so out of it he barely remembered. Today he had walked across the hallway into their bedroom, he felt the pain and pushed at it, it came harder and he growled as he pulled the dress pants off the hanger and bent over to grab his dress shoes. He had walked out with a snarl on his face and as soon as he walked across the threshold he had let out the breath he had been holding and turned into the hallway wall, he had put his hand on the wall and felt the tearing pain shoot through him. He had dropped everything and his arm had gone back.

He looked down at his hands, they were cut up from punching the wall, he clenched his fists and felt the sting of pain. It wasn’t enough to block out the pain that moved through him and he moved his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists. 

Luke came around the corner behind him and he dropped his hands to the table, he was in a sweater and jeans and looked more like Luke. He walked to the refrigerator and opened the door. Mickey watched him and he reached in and pulled out two beers, he felt a tug of a smile on his lips. It had taken Luke years to have one beer with them, he was as straight as an arrow when he had come to live with them. 

‘In more ways than one.’ He thought. 

“There’s tons of food in here, people keep bringing shit.” Luke said as he twisted off the two beers caps, he tossed them toward the garbage and one bounced off the side and hit the floor. Luke ignored the cap and looked over at him. 

“Whatever man.” He said. 

Luke smiled and his eyes lit up and he realized he was smiling, he waved a hand out and stood up, he walked over to Luke and he took the beer Luke held out to him and looked down into the refrigerator.

“You weren’t kidding.” He said. 

There was containers and dishes all piled up onto each other. 

“Shall we play food roulette?” Luke said. 

Mickey felt the laugh and let it roll out of him. 

“Ya man.” He said and he saw Luke’s eyes lift before he reached in the refrigerator and started pulling out containers. Luke lifted them and held them out to him, his arms went out automatically and Luke started loading his arms with food. 

“And this.” Luke said. 

“Ohh chicken.” He said and his breath caught in his throat. Luke lifted it and looked at Mickey, he held it up and shifted his hand waving it at him with a big smile. 

Mickey nodded and felt the pain lessen as he looked at Luke’s happy face. Luke put the chicken in his arms and put his hand on the refrigerator door.

“Think that’s enough?” Luke said seriously. 

Mickey looked down at his arms, there were at least ten containers full of food. 

“Uh YA!” He said. 

“Ok.” Luke said and closed the door smiling.

Mickey rolled his eyes and smirked as he carefully walked to the table with the food in his arms, Luke followed him and lifted the containers and set them down on the table. Mickey put the last two down and Luke turned around into the kitchen for plates and forks. 

Mickey sat in his seat and pulled a container toward him, he pulled off the tin foil and saw some kind of casserole. Luke came over with the plates and walked around him to his seat. 

“Whatcha got?” Luke asked as he put a plate in front of him. 

“I don’t know.” He said. Luke held out a fork and he took it, he put it in the casserole and pulled out a big bite. 

He ate it and shook his head. 

“Oh Ah.” He choked out around the food and heard Luke laugh. Luke pushed a napkin over to him and he picked it up, he took a long drink of beer and Luke giggled. 

“That bad?” Luke said. 

He nodded as he drank pushing the casserole away from him.

“It’s the thought that counts.” Luke said with shrug. 

“Not really though.” He said and Luke laughed. 

He felt the smile tug at his lips and he saw Luke smile at him. Luke looked over the table and reached over the containers and pulled it back in front of him. Luke made a noise like a spinning wheel in his mouth, it sounded exactly like a roulette wheel. 

“Click, clickkk….” Luke paused for a beat. “Click.” Luke finished and opened the container. 

They both looked down. 

“Huh.” Luke said. 

“What the fuck is that?” He said. 

Luke’s eyes came to him. “I have no idea!” Luke said. 

It looked like mush with vegetables. 

“Are we game?” Luke said. 

“Alright.” He said and waved his beer at him. 

Luke forked out whatever it was onto his plate and he drank beer and worked his way up to eating it. 

Luke lifted his fork and tilted his head. 

“Ready?” Luke said. 

“I guess.” He said and lifted his fork. 

Mickey shoved it in his mouth and tasted it, he stopped and his heart stopped in his chest. 

Witch Soup. 

“Oh my God.” Luke said. “This is amazing.” 

He felt the sharp blade of pain sear into him and twisted his head, he lifted his beer and guzzled it, he closed his eyes as he tasted it in the beer. 

“You don’t like it?” Luke said. 

He drank until the beer was gone and slammed it on the table, he stood up and blindly walked to the refrigerator, he pulled open the door and pulled out another beer, he twisted off the cap and lifted it drinking it straight down. 

“Hey.” He heard in a whisper.

He drank it down standing with the door open until the beer was gone, he walked and he pushed it over table as he walked. 

“Mick.” He heard from very far away. 

“Fuck.” He heard as he walked to the door. 

‘Have to get out.” He thought.

“STOP.” He heard and felt a hand on him. 

Blinding rage tore through him. 

He heard a smack and froze. 

Luke was frozen with his head turned away, his head slowly turned to his and he saw Luke eyes, they were filled with hurt. 

Mickey came back to himself in a snap, he lifted his hand out to Luke and he stepped back, Luke’s eyes flashed and he saw fear in them. 

“Luke.” He said quietly. He kept his hands by his sides. 

Luke’s eyes clicked off, he emptied his eyes and stared at him. 

“I’m sorry.” He shot out. 

Luke stood motionless. Mickey shook his head and lifted a hand, he saw Luke take a step back and his heart broke. 

Luke turned around and walked away, his heart was frozen and he wasn’t breathing. His eyes blurred on Luke’s back as he walked down the hall to his room, he heard the door close and he knew without seeing it or hearing it Luke had locked the door behind him. 

 

Luke’s eyes burned with tears and he felt the sting on his face. He was 20 years old but when Mickey had turned around and he saw the look in his eye and he felt the punch come up to his face he had become 13 again. 

He felt the helplessness, the sick feeling of been nothing and let it sink into him, he felt the tears stop and his heart numb. He saw their faces, his mother who cared nothing for him, he saw his father’s eyes as he beat him. He saw the men’s faces and felt their hands, he felt the sickness rise up. 

It rolled in him and swirled around him, it overwhelmed him and his heart burst into pain. He sank deeper and everything was gray, he heard nothing and saw nothing. He let himself slide into the pain and felt the sharp edges. It burned into him, it seared through him, all the air was gone all the light was gone. 

Nothing. Darkness. Pain. 

“Luke.” He heard from very far away and he heard a crash but it drifted away as he sank to the bottom.

 

Mickey heard a crash and the low grunts from where he stood frozen in the living room, he rushed through the house and tore at the door knob slapping his hand against the door.

“Luke.” He said. “Open the door.” 

He heard sobs and shoved his body against the door. 

“LUKE.” He shot out. 

“FUCK. He said and used all of his weight on the door. 

The door gave way splintering the doorjamb, he fell into the room and saw Luke on the floor at the end of his bed. 

“Luke.” He said as he knelt beside him. Luke’s eyes were closed and Mickey turned his face toward him, he saw Luke’s chest rise and fall and let out a hard breath. He fell back to his legs with his hand on Luke’s arm and breathed in and out hard. He looked over Luke’s body and he wasn’t hurt, he reached down and picked up his hands. There were scratches across the palms of his hands, he held his hand gently in his and saw pieces of wood around Luke. 

Luke had smashed his violin to pieces. 

Luke loved his violin, it was a part of him. Luke had destroyed his heart. 

‘What did I do?’ He thought. 

Mickey knew he had broken the promise he had made when Luke had come to live with them. As long as he was here no one would hurt him and he had hurt him and not just by hitting him, Luke could take a hit. Mickey had lashed out in anger and had taken it out on Luke just like everyone had before he had come to live with them. Mickey hadn’t stopped himself, his anger and grief was so deep he had lost himself in it. 

Luke’s face when he had made the promise came back to him, his head was down but he had nodded his understanding. Luke’s sleeping twisted up face came back to him when he had nightmares about his past and Mickey felt his heart tear as he remembered standing over him not knowing what the fuck to do. 

‘Wait.’ 

It was a whisper of a memory and his heart broke as the word came to him but he did now what he did then and waited. 

 

Luke was in the dark, there was no light, no sound, he didn’t feel his breath or his heart, there was only the beating swirling pain. 

He drifted until he heard the strum of a guitar, he closed his ears to stay in the dark. 

“Do you know this song?” 

“No.” He said and turned his head. 

“Really? Huh.” 

The guitar got louder. 

“Well the sun is surely sinkin down.” 

He opened his eyes slowly and saw the windshield of the car. 

“But the moon is slowly risin.’ 

He turned his head and saw Ian with his hands on the wheel singing, he glanced over at him and smiled as he sang. 

“So this old world must still be spinnin around…”

“And I still love you.” Ian sang and scrunched up his nose. 

Luke giggled. 

“So close your eyes.” Ian tapped his fingers on the wheel. “You can close your eyes, it’s alright.” 

“I don’t know no love songs and I can’t sing the bluuess anymore.” Ian’s voice went up and Luke looked back over at him, Ian’s head was back and he was smiling. 

“But I can sing this song….. and you can sing this song when I’m gone.” Ian’s eyes came to his. 

Luke smiled and swayed to the music. He looked out the windshield and let the music get inside him. 

“It won’t be long before another day.” 

“We gonna have a good time…. and no one’s gonna take time away.” Ian sang as he shook his head. 

“You can stay as long as you like.” Ian’s eyes were soft on his. 

Luke smiled and tucked his chin into his chest. 

“So close your eyes, you can close your eyes it’s alright.” Ian swayed as he sang and turned his eyes back to the road, Luke swayed with him. 

“I don’t know no love songs and I can’t sing the blluuees anymore.” Ian sang and his eyes came to his. 

The words of the song came to Luke. 

“But I can sing this song….’ Luke sang.

Ian’s eyes stared into his heart. 

“…. and you can sing this song….” They sang together

“When I’m gone.” Ian sang and Luke heard his heart in his voice. 

The last guitar notes played and Ian had a sweet smile on his face.

“I knew you knew it.” Ian said gently. 

“I do.” Luke said. 

“Don’t forget.” Ian said. 

“I won’t.” He said shaking his head. 

Ian’s face lit up and he smiled his big bright smile. 

“Good.” He said and turned his eyes back to the road with a sweet smile on his face.


	7. Chapter 7

Mickey sat on the floor and watched Luke, he was breathing and his heartbeat was strong but he wasn’t awake yet. 

Luke had lost it like this once before when he had come to live with them but it had never happened again until now. He felt the guilt and let it flow through him, he took a breath and tightened his hand on Luke’s arm. 

‘No you’re not going to lose it.’ He thought to himself. ‘Not again, he’s all that matters now.’

He would do whatever it took to make sure Luke was OK, even if it meant coming out of the dark hole he had dug for himself, he was being a pussy and that stopped right now. 

Luke’s eyes fluttered and opened, his eyebrows came together and he blinked his eyes open. 

Mickey took a breath and waited for his eyes to come to his. 

Luke’s eyes changed, they softened and he started to smile, Luke’s eyes slid closed and his smile widened. 

Mickey felt the relief roll though him and watched him smile with his eyes closed and Luke breathed out a long sigh and opened his eyes slowly. 

Luke looked up at him and the smile stayed on his face.

“Hey.” Luke said. 

“Hey.” He said softly. 

Luke pushed his arms behind him to sit up.

“Wait.” He said and tightened his hand on his arm. “Take a minute.”

“I’m OK.” Luke said. 

Mickey looked away and felt Luke sit up, he kept his hand on his arm and felt Luke’s hand cover his. 

“Are you alright?” Luke asked and felt the tears spring into his eyes. Luke was asking him if he was alright. 

“Ya.” He said over the lump in his throat. 

“It’s alright.” Luke said. 

He turned his eyes back to Luke’s, they were clear and bright and he didn’t see any pain or fear. 

“I’m sorry.” He said with a shaky breath. 

“I know.” Luke said and his arm came up and he lifted his arms and pulled Luke in. Luke held him tightly and he felt the weight that was crushing his chest fall away. 

Mickey patted the back of his head and he heard Luke laugh.

“I’m not cutting my hair.” Luke said. 

He rolled his eyes. “You look like a girl.” He said shaking his head over Luke’s shoulder. 

Luke giggled against him. 

 

Mickey walked into their bedroom and took a slow deep breath, he had been home every day for over a week. It still hurt like a motherfucker but every day there was one more minute than the day before he wasn’t in pain and he’d breathe a little deeper. He hadn’t slept in here yet, that was going to take a long time. 

He walked to the dresser and opened the drawer, he pulled out his clothes and threw them on the bed. He unhooked the towel and let it drop, he stepped into his shorts and leaned over to pick up his jeans and he felt something against his foot. He bent to the side and crouched down tilting his head and saw a shadow, he reached an arm under the bed bracing one hand on the floor and straightened up as he pulled it out. 

Mickey knew what it was before he saw it. 

Drywall. 

The memories came and he took a long breath.

“Motherfuckin cocksuckin..” He heard and snorted out a laugh. 

“I’ll fucking kill him.” He smiled and waved a hand up. 

“I’m talking to you!” His eyes narrowed. “HA” he said and sputtered. 

“Oh ow.” He rolled his eyes up. “Mm Hm.” He murmured. 

“Fuck” He heard. He ran his finger over his bottom lip and could almost feel the sting of his split lip. 

“I missed you.” 

He let the love roll in his heart and the wave of pain that came with it. 

“You wanna go again?” He heard. 

“Ya OK tough guy.” He said with a smirk. 

He heard the laugh that came as clearly as his own. 

 

Luke heard Mickey laugh and tilted his head with a smile, it was nice to hear. Mickey wasn’t great but he was better, he smiled sometimes and even laughed. There was a different tone to his voice, there was sadness in it all the time and that was OK as long as they were sad together. Mickey hadn’t taken off again and he was so relieved, he was sleeping in his bed and Mickey took the couch. He had fought it at first but he realized he couldn’t stop Mickey, all he could do was be here for him. 

Like Mickey always was for him. 

Luke picked up the last piece of pizza and shoved it in his mouth, he picked up his beer and held it chewing as Mickey came into the kitchen pulling his shirt sleeves up. 

“Hey.” He said. 

“Hey.” Mickey said and looked up. “Is that the last piece?” He asked. 

Luke chewed carefully and took a long drink of his beer, Mickey tilted his head down and crossed his arms waiting. Luke lowered his beer and smiled. 

“Maybe.” He said as he took another big bite out of the pizza. 

Mickey waved a hand up and walked to the table. 

“Jesus man, I had like two pieces.” Mickey said as he sat down.

“Ahhh yep.” He murmured. Mickey turned his head and Luke smiled, Mickey bitching was his favorite sound.

“Mm.” Mickey said as he sat back. 

Luke smiled at him around his pizza. 

“What the plan for tonight?” Mickey asked.

“Not sure.” He said wiping his face. “Carl has to work.”

“Mm.” Mickey said. 

“I don’t know.” He said shaking his head as he picked up his beer.

“Come on.” Mickey said as he stood up.

“Where we goin’? He asked as put his beer down and stood up. 

“Get in the fucking truck and you’ll find out.” Mickey said as he walked across the living room. 

Mickey picked up his coat and held it as he pulled his own coat on. Luke walked over to him and Mickey lifted his coat and he took it from him. 

“OK, getting in the fucking truck.” He said and shrugged a shoulder up. 

“Good.” Mickey said and Luke heard something in his tone and it sounded like a sneaky little laugh. 

 

They drove in Mickey’s truck with the music up loud and Luke banged his head to the music. Mickey remembered teaching Luke how to drive and he had banged his head along with the music then. Luke had bruises on his face then but the street lights had shifted and the bruises had looked like shadows. 

They drove down the busy street and he looked for a place to park, he saw a spot and shot forward. 

“Jesus.” Luke shot out as he went back.

Mickey hit the brakes and smiled around his smoke as Luke grunted, he glanced over and Luke was giving him a dirty look. 

“Hm?” He said and lifted his hand to the smoke he took a drag as Luke shook his head, he pulled the smoke from his lips and opened the truck door with a smile, he dropped out of the truck and slammed the door. 

Luke got out of the truck and fell in step beside him as he walked toward down the street. Luke looked around as they walked, he had no idea why there were here or where they were going. He slowed down and turned into a door and pulled it open. 

Luke stopped and looked up, he saw his face light up and his eyes come back down to his. 

Mickey waved his arm and tilted his head toward the store. 

Luke smiled and went through the door, Mickey followed him and saw his bright smile when he saw all the musical instruments on the walls. 

Mickey looked over to the counter and saw the little man behind it turn around to them smiling, he gave Luke a pat on the back and walked over to the counter.

“Hello.” The little man said. 

“Hey.” He said. 

“Hi.” He heard as Luke came up beside him.

“Hello, you must be Luke.” The little man said. 

“I must be?!” Luke said as his head turned to him.

“You must be.” He said and Luke smiled. 

“I’ve heard all about you.” The little man said. 

“Oh?” Luke said and he shifted his eyes to him as they narrowed. 

The little man laughed lightly. “All good things.” He said. 

“Mm.” Luke grunted. “I’m sure.”

“Trust me.” The little man said with a smile and a gleam in his eye. 

Luke smiled at the man and asked. “Are you Mr. Slenovich? Like on the sign?” 

“I am.” He smiled. “But you can all me Wolfgang.”

“Wolfgang?” Luke said with a big smile. 

“Yes.” He said. “My parents were fans and I had no choice but to live for music.” 

“Wolf.” Mickey said. 

“Ya, gangy just doesn’t sound right.” Luke said in a dry tone. 

Mickey laughed and he felt his heart lift and ache at the same time. 

“Wolf is fine.” Wolfgang said with a laugh. 

Mickey smiled over at Luke, he was looking around and his eyes focused across the room, he looked back at Wolf and Wolf nodded. 

“Hey.” He said and Luke turned back to Wolf as he leaned over and pulled out a box from under the counter. 

“What’s that?” Luke asked. 

“Oh well.” Wolf said. “Your father came in with the pieces of your violin.”

“He did?” Luke said and his eyes came to his. 

“Yes and although it’s not perfect I was able to put it back together.” Wolf said as he opened the box, he lifted it out and held up Luke’s violin. 

It was together but you could see the cracks under the varnish, Luke had a stunned look on his face. 

Wolf smiled and held it out to him, he lifted his hands and took it. Luke pulled it in and his eyes moved over it, he lifted it and turned it around. The back had long cracks but you could barely see them. 

“Wow.” Luke said. 

“Nice.” He said and Wolf smiled at him. 

“There were a few missing pieces but I was able to replace them.” Wolf said. 

“Wow.” Luke said again as he turned the violin over. 

Mickey smiled watching him inspecting every inch of the violin. 

“Can I play it?” Luke asked. 

“Of course.” Wolf said and reached his hand into the box again. Mickey smiled watching Luke’s eyes follow his hand as it moved into the box, he looked like he didn’t know what was in the box, like the box was magical and anything could come out of it. 

Wolf lifted the bow and Luke’s face lit up into a bright smile. 

Wolf held it out and Luke took it with a nod, he took a step back as he lifted the violin under his chin. 

Mickey held his breath and watched Luke take in a big breath and hold the bow up, he let it out and closed his eyes, he lifted the bow over the violin and he heard the first note and Luke smiled as he pushed the bow back up. 

Mickey let out the breath he was holding and Luke played. 

“Think it works.” He said to Wolf as he leaned his elbow on the counter. 

Wolf didn’t answer him, his eyes were on Luke and they eyes filling with tears. He turned to Luke and watched him play. Luke opened his eyes and smiled at him moving the bow quickly over the strings, he pushed the bow over hard and stood frozen for a beat as the last note hung in the air. 

Mickey clapped and whistled through his teeth, Luke laughed and took a bow. 

“That was beautiful.” Wolf said. Luke came back to the counter and smiled at him.

“Thanks.” Luke said. 

Wolf stared at Luke, he knew that look. People didn’t expect his shaggy lookin’ kid to play the violin and when people heard him play, everything stopped. He was that good. 

“I can’t believe you fixed it.” Luke said. 

“I can’t believe you can play it like that.” Wolf said with his eyes wide. 

Luke laughed and Mickey patted his back. 

“What I mean to say is, it’s broken.” Wolf said. “It shouldn’t sound like that.”

“Oh.” Luke said. He looked over his violin and smiled softly. 

“Well you fixed it.” He said.

“Ya.” Luke said. “Thank you.” Luke said to Wolf.

“You’re welcome.” Wolf said with a shy smile. 

Luke looked back down at his violin and Mickey turned around to see what Luke had been looking at. There were violins hanging on the wall and a few out and around the store. 

He walked through the store and looked up at the violin’s, they looked bigger than Luke’s.

Luke came up beside him and walked right past him straight to a shiny violin. 

“Oooooh.” Luke said. 

“Good choice.” Wolf said as he walked over to them. 

“Oh what? Nah.” Luke said as he turned the violin to feel its weight. 

“Ya.” He said. 

“Huh.” Luke said and he put the violin down and reached out for another one. 

“Oh my, aren’t you sexy.” Luke said reaching down with a lustful look on his face and picked up the sexy violin. 

Mickey rolled his eyes and they landed on Wolf, he was rocking back and forth on his heels smiling at Luke. 

“Pick one.” He said. 

“What?” Luke said as he lifted Miss Sexy.

He waved his arms up. “Jesus Luke, use your ears.” He shot out. “PICK. A. FUCKING. VIOLIN.” 

“YAAA?” Luke said with his face lighting up. 

“YAA.” He said and smiled when Luke pulled the bow over the sexy violin and played a happy tune. 

“Ohhhh nice.” Luke said. 

 

Mickey leaned against the counter and looked over at Luke, he still hadn’t decided and he had played every violin in the store…twice. 

‘What was I thinking?’ He thought and shook his head.

‘We got caught up.’ He heard. 

“Ya we did.” He said. 

“Excuse me.” He heard. 

It was Wolf behind the counter. 

“Nothin.” He said as he waved a hand up. 

“He’s quite the young man.” Wolf said. 

“Ya he is.” He said with a smile. 

Luke was picking up another violin, he rolled his eyes and sighed. 

“I meant what I said, the violin shouldn’t have sounded like that.” Wolf said. “He’s very special.” 

Luke played the theme to Jaws and he smirked. 

“Ya he is.” He said with sarcasm. 

“He’s in school?” Wolf said. 

“Ya.” He said and remembered he wasn’t. “He was.”

“Oh I see.” Wolf said.

No he didn’t Mickey thought but he was starting to, Luke should go back to school but he wasn’t sure he was ready. He looked at Luke across the store and knew Luke would know when he was ready to go back. 

“I have it narrowed down to two.” Luke called out. 

“Get em both, lets go.” He said and straightened up.

“Ahhh do you know how much these things cost?!” Luke asked. 

“Ya! I have a pretty good idea.” He said nodding. 

“No man.” Luke said. 

Mickey waved a hand up. “Its fine man, come on.” He said. 

Luke’s eyes shifted to the violins and he saw him shake his head and bring his hands together in front of him and drum his fingers together one by one as he looked back and forth between the two violins. 

Mickey rolled his eyes and rested his head in his hand on the counter watching him. 

Luke picked up a violin and smiled but looked down at the other with lust in his eyes, he put down the one in his hands and picked up the other violin with a nod, he took a step and looked back wistfully at the violin he left behind. 

Mickey’s head fell as he waved his hand out. 

“Maaan.” He said as he stood up straight. “You can come fucking visit anytime you want, let’s go.” 

Luke laughed as he walked over to him. 

“You sure?” Mickey said. 

“Ya” Luke said as he lowered the violin to the counter. 

“Alright.” Mickey said. “This come with the case?” He asked. 

“Yes.” Wolf said. 

Wolf walked around the corner of the shelves behind him as he reached in his back pocket for his wallet. 

Luke's fingers moved over the glossy wood of the violin.

Wolf came back around the corner carrying a black violin cases and lifted it onto the counter. Mickey pulled out a card and handed it to him as he glanced over at Luke smiling down at his violin. 

“That is pretty sexy.” He said looking down at the sleek violin. 

“Right?!” Luke said with a bright smile. 

Mickey braced his arms on the counter and saw Wolf looking down at his card standing completely still. 

“Somethin wrong?” He asked. 

Wolf turned to them with a glazed look and shook his head. 

“No.” He said and cleared his throat. “Nothing.” 

Mickey looked down at his wallet on the counter and saw his card. 

“Fuck.” He said quietly and picked up his wallet. “Here.” He said as he pulled out the card. 

Wolf held out his hand and took the other card, he held out the other to Mickey, he took it and shoved it back in his wallet. 

“Thank you.” Wolf said quietly. 

Luke turned his head to look at him and he shrugged. 

Wolf ran the card and brought it back with a receipt. Mickey saw his name at the bottom of the receipt and let out a breath, he signed and lowered the pen. 

“One moment.” Wolf said holding up a hand, he walked around the counter and over to the violin Luke had left behind, he picked it up and brought it back with him. 

“I’d like you to have this.” Wolf said to Luke. 

“As a gift.” Wolf said quickly as he lowered it to the counter in front of Luke. 

“Please.” Wolf said as his eyes came to his. “If I may?” 

Mickey looked at Luke and saw his bright eyes and his happy face, he looked back at Wolf and nodded. 

Wolf’s eyes stayed on his as he said. “He plays so beautifully….” He trailed off and turned back to Luke. 

Mickey saw Luke’s head tilt. Wolf lowered his eyes and slid open the display case under the counter and took out the black case with red lining. 

Wolf lifted the violin and placed it in the case as he lowered it to the counter, he secured the latches and lifted the violin up and out to Luke. 

“Thank you.” Luke said quietly as he took it. 

Wolf nodded his head down with a small smile. 

Mickey watched him until Wolf’s eyes came to his. 

“Thank you.” Wolf said to him. There was something in his eyes but before Mickey could see it Wolf shifted his eyes away. 

“I’ll be back.” Luke said. “I’m going to need a million violin strings.”

“Anytime.” Wolf said quietly. 

“Later.” Luke said with a smile and they turned to go. 

They headed toward the door and Luke laughed and lifted his hands out, he was holding three violins and couldn’t open it. He pulled the door open and held it for Luke, he looked back at the counter as Luke walked through the door but Wolf was already gone. 

 

“What was that about?” He asked Mickey after they pulled out of the parking spot. 

“I don’t know.” Mickey said. Luke heard the light ring of deception. 

“Ahhhh yeah you do.” Luke said. 

Mickey scowled and let out a long sigh. 

“You and your fuckin’ lie detector ears.” Mickey said without heat. 

Luke chuckled and Mickey shook his head

“I don’t know know.” Mickey said. 

“No?” He said and Mickey smirked and shot him a look.

“HA.” Luke shot out smiling. 

Mickey stopped at a light and reached around to his back pocket, he took out his wallet and flipped it open. He pulled out the top card and held it out to Luke. 

Luke took it and looked down at it, it was a credit card but there was nothing special about it. 

IAN GALLAGHER was stamped across the bottom of the card and just reading his name hurt. 

“Oh.” He said. 

He looked over at Mickey and he was lighting a cigarette.

“It was all over the news.” Luke said. 

“Ya.” Mickey said and took a long drag. 

Luke looked back down at the card and ran his finger over Ian’s name. Wolf had been lying when he said he was giving him the violin because he played beautifully, well not lying exactly but it wasn’t the reason. Wolf was trying to hide something and he didn’t know why he would lie about that but he has heard it in his voice. 

“I don’t know man.” Mickey said and braced his arm on the window. 

Luke didn’t know either but Wolf had said thank you with sadness and gratitude that rang through his voice. He slipped Ian’s card into his coat pocket and looked over at Mickey, he had taken the broken pieces of his violin and had found someone who could fix it because he knew how much it meant to him. 

“Thanks.” He said.

Mickey nodded and blew smoke out as he lifted his head. 

Luke smiled and pulled a violin out from under the middle seat belt he had fastened around all three violins, he lowered it onto his lap and opened the case. 

“Helllloooo beautiful, what’s your name?” He asked as he looked over her pretty face and beautiful curves. 

He heard Mickey’s low laugh and smiled. 

 

Wolfgang walked back through the store and through the back door, he closed it and turned the corner up the steep stairs to his apartment.

He climbed them with hurt in his heart, he had seen the name and he had stopped breathing. 

Ian Gallagher.

They were Ian’s family, Luke was his son. He turned the old knob and walked into his kitchen, he heard light bouncy music and took in a breath. 

“Pop pop.” He heard. 

He saw him running to him and he crouched down.

“There he is.” He said and took him in his arms and held him tight, he stood and picked him up. He held him in his arms and breathed in his little boy smell. He put his hand on his head and tears filled his eyes. 

He felt his head go back and saw his big brown eyes and his big smile. 

He stepped over to the table and sat down. He shifted him in his arms and he sat with Nicky on his lap.

He held his back and looked down at his face. 

“I heard beautiful music today.” He said. 

“You did?” 

“I did.” He said. “A young man came into the store and played the most beautiful music you have ever heard.” 

Nicky looked up at him with a big smile. 

“His name was Luke and he’s Ian’s son.” He said. 

“He is?” 

“He is.” He said. “And who’s Ian?” 

“Ian’s my angel.” Nicky said. 

He nodded “That’s right. Ian is your angel and we never forget about Ian, right?”

“Right.” Nicky said with serious eyes. 

“Good boy.” He said and pulled Nicky in close. 

Ian’s son was beautiful and played beautifully, he had meticulously put his shattered violin back together and given him the new violin but it was nothing compared to what his father had done for him.

Ian Gallagher had saved his grandson.


	8. Chapter 8

Mickey drove as the sun went down, Luke sat beside him with three violin’s and the happiness beamed off of him. He had been thinking about something, it nudged at the back of his mind but he wasn’t sure he could do it. Time was a motherfucker, things got easier and harder at the same time. He was a broken fucking mess before but it kept him with him and now time had passed and he was less of a motherfucking mess but he felt further away. 

The memories would come and the pain would follow, he couldn’t feel one without the other. His heart was gone and his soul was empty but he had his son, their son. He saw the store and made up his mind, he slowed down and pulled into the parking lot. 

They were going to need beer. 

 

Luke saw where they were going and turned to Mickey, he didn’t look over at him. Mickey had been quiet in the store and on their way to the house, he had pulled the truck up in front of the house and told him to take all of his violins in the house while he waited in the truck. 

They pulled into a parking space and he held the cigarette in his mouth as he turned the truck off, he pulled the door handle and dropped out of the truck without looking over at him and slammed the door behind him. 

Luke watched him walk around the front of the truck and start walking, he wasn’t sure if he should follow him or not. 

He watched him until he stopped and turned around, Luke took a deep breath and pulled the door handle holding the bag with the beer in one hand as he slammed the door. He carried the beer and walked over to Mickey, he turned and started walking when he caught up to him and they walked around the bleachers. He saw the fence and the field in the bright street lights and his heart ached, he slowed down and Mickey slowed down with him. Mickey took a drag from his cigarette and looked over the field. 

“Come on man.” He said and felt Mickey’s arm come around his shoulder. 

Luke nodded and started walking, they walked through the entrance and over the grass. He felt Mickey’s arm fall away from his shoulder and he slowed down looking back at him. 

Mickey was lowering himself down to the grass in center field, Luke took a step back and sat across from him bringing the bag down next to him, he reached in and pulled out two beers. He handed one to Mickey and they both twisted off the caps and took a long drink. 

The beers came down and Luke crossed his legs in front of him, he leaned over his legs and looked over at Mickey, he was pulling the smoke away from his mouth. He saw the stream of smoke rise up and watched it in the light from the street lamp.

“It was a good thing you did.” Mickey said. 

Luke brought his eyes down to Mickey. 

“What?” he asked. 

“All of it.” He said as he waved his beer around in the air. 

Luke felt his heart shift in his chest, he had wondered if it was OK with Mickey that they had the service here. Mickey took one last long drag from the cigarette and flicked it away. 

“It was Phillip.” He said. “He took care of everything.” 

“Ya.” Mickey said as he let out the smoke nodding. 

“I should have been there.” Mickey said. 

“You were.” He said. 

“No, before.” Mickey said. 

“It’s alright.” He said and smiled. 

“No it’s not. I shouldn’t have left it all to you.” 

“You didn’t.” He said. 

Mickey shook his head. 

“I had Phillip and James, Heidi, Mandy, Carl, Fiona, Debbie, Lip, David…..” He paused. 

“Should I go on?” He said as he put a hand up. 

“No.” Mickey said and raised his beer. 

“Ok so shut up about it.” He said with a smirk. 

Mickey smiled around his beer. 

“We have a big family.” He said. 

“Ya we do.” Mickey said with a twist of his head as he lowered his beer. 

Luke smiled and looked over the field to the old dug out, he still didn’t know the whole story and probably never would but he had lived with them long enough to know how much they meant to each other. 

“I understood. “Luke said. “Not that I didn’t want to find you and kick your ass halfway across the state…”

Mickey snorted out a laugh. 

…but I understood.” Luke paused. “As much as I could.” 

Mickey nodded slowly and took in a breath. 

“He told me about you.” He said quietly. 

Mickey sat quietly with his eyes on him. 

“When you were gone, that’s how I knew about this place.”

“He told you?” Mickey said. Luke heard the surprise and a little shock in his voice. 

“Ahhh ya, he said you met here after you broke out of prison.” 

Luke saw a lightning quick smile flash over Mickey’s face, it spread and he saw Mickey’s eyes sparkle. Mickey laughed and lifted his beer with a wicked smile on his face, he laughed again and lifted his beer to his smiling lips.

“What?” he asked laughing. 

"Nothin'" Mickey said with a sly smile.

Luke hadn’t seen him smile like that in a long time. He didn’t know what he said to make him smile like that but he was really happy that he did, whatever it was. 

“What else did he tell you?” Mickey asked still smiling as he raised his eyebrows at him. 

“Wellll…”He trailed off and shifted his eyes away. 

“That much huh?” Mickey said. 

“No, he didn’t go into detail cuz ya know, ew.” He said. 

Mickey laughed and Luke shook his head. 

“You even wonder whhyyy I wear head phones at night?” He said.

Mickey laughed harder and Luke laughed at Mickey laughing. Mickey leaned over his legs laughing and Luke giggled. 

Mickey lifted his head and nodded as he stopped laughing but he was still smiling. 

“He told me about you, about how he felt and about the shit you had been through. “

“Mm.” Mickey murmured. 

“Man that was crazy.” He said and lifted his beer. 

“No shit.” Mickey said. “It was a fucking mess.” Mickey shook his head.

“Did you really come out in front of half of Chicago at the Alibi?” He asked. Luke knew he did but wanted to see him smile again. 

“Ya I did.” Mickey said with a smile. 

“You may not have thought that through.” He said.

Mickey laughed and shook his head. 

“Nah man I did.” Mickey said with a sweet smile and Luke heard all the tones of Mickey heart. 

Luke smiled and took a drink from his beer. Mickey held his beer in both hands, he still had a smile on his face and it widened as his eyes lit up.

“Did he tell you about the time he punched me in the throat?” 

“Nooo! Luke said and straightened up. 

Mickey pushed his hand over his smiling mouth and put it out in front him. 

“He’s at the bar with this old guy right..” Mickey said as he waved his hand up and scowled. 

“Ya?” Luke said and hid his smile behind his beer, he had heard this story but not the throat punching part. 

“And they come out smiling.” Mickey said with a hard dark tone. 

“Really.” Luke said. 

“Ya and I fuckin’ whaled on the guy.” Mickey said with a bright smile. 

“I bet.” He said. 

“So I’m kickin’ the shit outta him...” Mickey said. 

“How’d you know where they were?” Luke asked.

Mickey looked down at his beer and waved a hand down as he looked away. 

“You followed them?” He asked as he turned his head and stared at Mickey. 

“Nah.” Mickey said sputtering. Luke heard the lie in his voice and giggled. 

“Stalker.” He shot out and Mickey smiled and kept going.

“The guys on the ground and what does your father do?” Mickey asked pointing a finger at him. 

“My father?” Luke said. “Hey he was yours first.”

Mickey giggled and Luke laughed with him.

Their giggles echoed through the baseball field. 

“Ok, soo…” Mickey said as he caught his breath. 

“He punches me in the fuckin’ throat!” Mickey said. 

“What?” Luke said as his eyes went wide. 

“Ya, like I’m the problem.” Mickey said as he twisted up his face.

“Right?” Luke said and shook his head lifting his beer. 

“Right.” Mickey said and lifted both his arms out and let them fall back down to his lap. 

Mickey shook his head and Luke waited for the story to go on. 

“That’s it? What happened?” He asked

Mickey smiled and lifted his beer. “We ran.” He said. 

“You ran.” He said. 

Mickey lifted his beer and murmured, “Mm hm.”

“Wait, so you beat the shit out of the guy and he ran away with you?” 

“Ya.” Mickey said with a wicked smile and laughed. 

“What?” he asked. 

“The guys on the ground and he’s all ‘I’m sorry, I’ll call you or some shit...”

Luke giggled, he could totally see that. 

…and he turns around and we booked it outta there.”

Luke laughed. “That’s awesome.” He said. 

“Ya it was.” Mickey said smiling with a sparkle in his eyes. 

Luke thought about Ian and smiled, hearing the story had made it hurt a little less and he had felt like Ian was here with them for a minute. 

“I had a dream about him.” He said looking down at his beer. 

He looked up and Mickey’s eyes were on his. 

“It was a memory but not a memory?” Luke said. 

Mickey looked down at his beer and nodded, he raised his head and Luke saw the soft smile on his face. 

“What was it?” Mickey asked. 

“It was a few months after I came to live with you, we were in the car and this song came on the radio, he asked if I knew the song and I didn’t.” Luke smiled. “He sang it as we drove, in the memory and the dream.” 

“What song?” Mickey asked. 

“It was an old folk song.” He said. 

“Huh?” Mickey asked and his eyes widened. 

“Ya..hmm. I don’t know the name of it.” 

“Sing it.” Mickey said. 

“What? No.” He said shaking his head. “You know I can’t sing.”

“Doesn’t stop you from caterwauling in the shower now does it?” Mickey said.

“Fuck off.” Luke said casually.

“Come on man.” Mickey said and tilted his head waving his hand toward himself. 

“Nope.” He said and looked away and over the field. 

“Come onnn.” Mickey said and he felt Mickey slap a hand down on his leg. 

Luke rolled his eyes and brought them back to his, he had a big bright smile on his face. Mickey braced his elbow on his leg and put his chin in his hand leaning forward waiting for him to start. 

“Fiiiinneee.” He said and let his head fall back. 

Mickey chuckled low in his throat. 

“Man.” He said and took a long drink of beer giving Mickey a dirty look as he drank. Mickey just smiled at him. 

Luke smiled back, the song began to play in his head and he waited for the lyrics to start.

 

Mickey watched Luke and knew he was hearing the music, he opened his mouth and sang the first line. 

“Well the sun is surely sinkin down.” 

“But the moon is slowly risin.’ 

Mickey felt his heart melt in his chest. 

“So this old world must still be spinnin round…

…..and I still love you.” Luke smiled at him. 

“So close your eyes, you can close your eyes, it’s alright.” Luke cleared his throat. 

“I don’t know no love songs and I can’t sing the bluuess anymore.” 

“But I can sing this song…..” 

“…..and you can sing this song when I’m gone.” Luke’s voice shook. 

Mickey felt his heart spill over in his chest.

“It won’t be long before another day.” Mickey sang with him. 

Luke’s eyes opened wide and he smiled at him. 

“We gonna have a good time.” They sang

“And no one’s gonna take time away.” Luke shook his head with the words. 

“You can stay as long as you like.” Luke smiled at him and his heart lifted in his chest. 

“So close your eyes, you can close your eyes it’s alright.” Mickey sang the harmony and Luke’s eyes widened. 

“I don’t know no love songs and I can’t sing the blues anymore.” They sang and Luke hit a bad note and frowned. Mickey smiled at him. 

“But I can sing this song….’ They sang.

“…. and you can sing this song….” They both sang quietly. 

“When I’m gone.” They sang together. 

They sat in the silence and Mickey felt the tears in his eyes, he had felt his heart fill with love and memories while they had sung the sweet song. Luke lifted a hand and wiped them under his eyes and smiled at him. 

“I didn’t know the song but by the end of the dream I did and sang with him.” Luke said quietly. “How do you know it?” 

Mickey smiled and felt the love that filled his heart. 

“Ian.” He said and took a deep clear breath, it was the first time he said his name since his own dreams had ended. 

“He played that song a million times when we went to Mexico after we came out of protection. I bitched about it but I kinda like it.” He said. 

Luke smiled at him.

He remembered Ian on the beach in Mexico singing and laughed. 

“Middle of the night in Mexico and Ian starts singing.” He said. “He scared the seagulls.” 

Luke giggled. 

Mickey shook his head smiling and lifted his beer, he smiled around his beer and saw Luke’s happy face. 

“The music came back after the dream.” Luke said. 

“Came back?” Mickey said as he lowered his beer. 

“Ya” He said. “It went away after, it was totally gone.”

Mickey nodded

“After the dream it all came back.” Luke said. 

“Good.” He said. 

Luke nodded and smiled at him.

“So does that mean more caterwaulin?’” He asked. 

“Yes it does.” 

Mickey chuckled. 

“Soooo, who knew you could sing.” Luke said and raised an eyebrow, he looked just like Ian when he did it. 

“Can’t.” He said smiling. 

“Ahhh ya you can.” Luke said and tilted his head. 

“Nah man.” He said and waved a hand. 

“Can we sing it again?” Luke asked, his eyes were lit up and he was smiling. 

He shook his head and looked away.

“Plllleeaasee?” Luke said. 

He rolled his eyes and rolled his head back to Luke.

“Fine.” He said. “One time.”

“Ok.” Luke said and straightened up. 

He held up a hand. “I’m taking the high notes cuz man you need help.” He said. 

Luke laughed and nodded. 

Mickey watched Luke go still and knew he was hearing the music.

He saw Luke’s eyes light up and they sang together.


	9. Chapter 9

Mickey felt the sun and heard the waves, he turned his head away from the sun and opened his eyes slowly. The white sand stretched out in front of him and he closed his eyes against the white glare and brought an arm up over his face. He listened to the waves crash as he woke up slowly. He lifted his hand and pushed his fingers over his eyes and blinked them open. 

“Fuck.” He hissed

He squinted against the bright sunlight as he sat up and looked down around him, he found his sunglasses and put them on quickly, he pushed his hand over his hair bringing his legs up in front of him. He looked over the water and lifted his head breathing in the sweet air, he held onto it and let it out slowly. 

Mickey looked down by his side and pulled open Ian’s backpack, he reached his hand in and pulled out two beers.

“Aw man.” He said as he pulled them out. They were warm, he put one down in the sand next to him and twisted open one warm beer and took a drink scowling, he pulled it away and held it out in front of him. 

“Blechk.” He said and braced his arms on his legs, holding the warm beer in his fingers. 

Chicago was covered with snow right now with below zero temperatures he thought and pushed his toes into the warm sand smiling. He lifted his beer and drank it, he scowled and pushed it into the sand next to the full beer on the beach. He reached in the bag again and felt around until his hand came to the whiskey bottle and he pulled it out, he smiled and twisted off the cap. 

The breeze drifted over him as he drank his whiskey looking out over the water and the peace he always felt here settled over him. It had taken him almost a year before he had come here, he had focused on Luke until he had gone back to school and then he had focused on getting through the next minute and the next and the next. 

Their first anniversary had come and he had white knuckled his way through it but a few months later the anniversary of their second wedding came and he had white knuckled his way through that in a whole different way. He still didn’t remember much about that day or the day after but he had woken up in a strange bed and every bone in his body felt like it was on fire.

As soon as he had turned his head and saw someone was lying next to him he had felt the sickness rise up in him, he moved as fast as he could reaching down for his clothes. His body ached and his heartbeat slowed down as he pushed the air in and out of his lungs. He pulled on his clothes as he walked and felt his eyes watering as he pushed his way through the house and out the door, as soon as he stepped out into the air he had fallen to his knees and the sickness rolled out of him as he vomited on the sidewalk with his hand braced on the concrete. His hands were ripped up and he felt his face sting as he squeezed his eyes together. The tears stung his face and he didn’t push away the pain. 

It hadn’t been the first time that had happened but it had been his breaking point, he had found his way home and ripped his clothes off as he walked through the house. He turned into the bathroom and shoved the shower tap up all the way and stepped into the blazing hot shower, it seared his torn skin and he let it burn him. The tears came to his eyes and he lifted his hand and lowered his face covering his eyes as the tears fell, the steam rose around him and the water scalded his skin as his body swayed. 

Mickey stood shaking and the pain radiated to every part of him, he stepped away from the water and let his body fall against the shower wall. 

“I can’t..” He choked out as he slid down to the shower floor. He brought his knees up in front of him and his whole body shook with rage and pain as he pulled his knees into his chest. Mickey felt the buzz as his mind raged and his heart tore at him. 

Mickey knew he was losing himself again.

Ian’s face came to his mind, he took a ragged breath and clenched his hand over his ring and felt the only thing that kept him from sinking into the black pit he felt closing over him. 

Ian’s face as he smiled over at him, Ian sleeping next to him, Ian running next to him, Ian’s touch, Ian’s eyes, Ian’s voice. 

Mickey took in a breath as the images and memories came and he slowly stopped shaking. 

In his minds eye he saw Ian’s sweet face, Mickey smiled and saw Ian’s eyes light up as his hair blew in the breeze. 

Mickey had packed a bag and gone to Mexico that day. 

 

The first time he had walked over the beach he had felt the peace he felt now and every time he was here. At home he was alright but he knew he wasn’t ever going to be whole again, he was broken without Ian but he had learned to live with the edges. It didn’t get easier, his heart was still beating without the blood it needed and the darkness had seeped back into his soul. 

Mickey lifted the whiskey and took another long drink, he lowered the bottle down and put it in the sand beside him. He rested his arms over his raised knees and wiggled his toes in the sand again. 

‘Why don’t we do this every day?’ He heard himself say.

‘Cuz we have bills.’ Ian said. 

“We could live on the beach in Mexico.” He had teased and smacked a kiss on Ian’s lips. 

Mickey smiled remembering Ian under him.

“Bring the kid and some sunscreen and we’d be good.”

“I like it!” Ian said as he opened his eyes and smiled up at him. 

Mickey smiled wider and took off his sunglasses as stood up, he dropped them in the sand and walked down to the water still smiling. He walked into the water and remembered bringing Ian here for the first time. Ian had called him a pussy to get him into the water. 

“Whatever bitch.” He said with a smile. 

“HA” He heard. 

He laughed as he twisted his body around and fell into the water with a splash. 

Mickey felt the current in the water and felt Ian with him, he felt Ian’s heart and all the love he had for him. He floated in the water looking up at the bright blue sky. 

It had taken a long time for him to understand the pain would come, the darkness would rise but Ian, his memory and his love would ease the pain and light up the dark. 

Ian had saved him, he had saved his soul, his heart and his life and Mickey knew he would take his broken heart and Ian’s love through every day without him and keep the promise he had made, he wouldn’t die without Ian, he would live for him.


	10. Epilogue

“But the moon is slowly risin…”

“So this old world must be spinnin round.”

“Still be.” Mickey said.

“Hm?” He said and lowered his lips to Mickey’s shoulder.

“Still be spinnin.” Mickey said.

“Still be spinnin round…..”

“And I still love you.” He sang softly.

Mickey smiled in his sleep.

The light breeze stirred and the light from the moon washed over him, the waves were quietly breaking against the sand.

“So close your…” He sang. “Hey..”

“Hmph.” Mickey mumbled.

“Sing.” He said with a smile.

“PPtft.” Mickey sputtered.

“Come on…”

Mickey turned his head away.

“SO CLOSE YOUR EYES…” He sang loudly, Mickey shook his head and smiled.

The birds called out and flew away.

“YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EY…” Mickey pushed at his face and covered his mouth.

“I will punch you in the throat.” Mickey said with his eyes still closed.

“Tmphnotvniph” He mumbled against Mickey’s hand.

Mickey smiled and laughed. “That’s not very nice huh?” Mickey said.

He shook his head.

“It’s not very nice to sing while I’m fuckin’ sleepin’.” Mickey said. “Is it?”

Mickey turned his head back and forth with his hand, he laughed behind his hand.

“Don’t even think about it.” Mickey said.

He turned his head and smiled, he was thinking about biting his hand. Mickey pulled his hand away from his face and covered his hand resting on his chest.

“You sang it with Luke.” He said with a huff.

“He begged.” Mickey said and shrugged.

“Mm, ya he did.” He said.

He hummed stroking his thumb over Mickey’s chest.

“It’s alright…” He sang.

He felt Mickey’s fingers thread through his and tighten.

“It won’t be long before another day….”

“We gonna have a good time.” Mickey’s eyes opened and he took a breath and turned his eyes to his, he smiled at him and saw Mickey’s eyes looking over his face.

“And no one’s gonna take that time away.” He sang and felt the tears in his eyes.

“You can stay as long as you like.” Mickey’s blue eyes he loved sparkled in the moonlight.

“So close your eyes, you can close your eyes, it’s alright….” He gently lowered his hand on Mickey’s face and watched Mickey’s eyes flutter closed.

“You can sing this song…and I can sing this song." He sang.

……when I’m gone.” Ian whispered.

Ian felt him fall asleep, he held his face and stroked his thumb over his cheek, he lowered his hand and lifted Mickey’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of his hand, he gently lowered their hands to Mickey’s chest over his heart and stayed by his side watching him sleep.


End file.
